80's -vs- 90's: One Hit Wonders

I just finished reading a blog about the One Hit Wonders of the 1980s.

The article went into detail about how the 1980s was a decade of OHWs (I'm lazy. I don't want to type it out every time).
I have to strongly disagree with this. I think the 90s had faaarrr more OHWs. They just weren't as memorable.
Sure, the 80s had In A Big Country, Rock Me Amadeus and 99 Luftballoons.
But the 90s had such hits as Flagpole Sitta, I Touch Myself, New Age Girl and Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm.
Out of those samplings from the 90s, can you name any of the artists?

Here's a few others:

Groove is in the Heart - Dee-Lite

Remember in the early ninety's how people were trying to bring back the sixties. You had annoying college students getting into the Grateful Dead because it went with smoking weed? Annoying.
This group made sure to let you know that retards come in all creeds and colors.

What is Love - Haddaway

OK. This song is known only as "those SNL head-bobbing guys" song.
Haddaway's most likely doesn't mind. He's probably getting a $12,000 royalty check every month for this fucking thing.
It IS nearly impossible to hear it with out doing the head thing though. Come on. Admit it.

What's Up - 4 Non Blondes

Still played today. No one could remember the groups name. Everyone knows the song.
Useless trivia: Lead singer Linda Perry went on to co-write with Pink on most her hits. None of which are as annoying as this song.

New Age Girl - Deadeye Dick

Total Tripe. Remember this crappy song? No? Lucky bastards! I could go into detail about how shitty it is and why but fuck it. Just listen to it. Try.

Macarena - Los Del Rio

Destined to become a wedding reception staple. Don't you feel stupid for buying this and putting it on the charts? You know who you are. You're the same assholes who put OMC and Lou Bega on the charts. Damn you.

Mambo No. 5 (A Little Bit of...) - Lou Bega

More wedding reception fodder. Christ. How horrid. Although I do have nice memories of my 8 year old singing and dancing to it at the time. What I wouldn't pay to have footage of that. The little bastard.

How Bizarre - OMC

Who the fuck was this guy and how did he get this on the radio? What does OMC stand for? I don't have time to Google this douche bag. Wiki just shows that OMC was a band from New Zealand. We should have nuked NZ in 1996 because of this. Lord of the Rings could have been filmed somewhere else.

Tubthumping - Chumbawamba

Wow. I have saved the "best" for last. I have to admit. I loved this song when it came out. I worked with a dude that did this bit where he would do this crazy dance when the song came on the radio. It lasted a week. He couldn't keep up. It was on the radio alot. It seemed like every thirty minutes. Most overplayed One Hit Wonder of the 90s.

Pretty much all of these "artists" are forgettable. Everyone remembers Big Country (song title helps), Falco and Nina.
How many of you remembered Harvey Danger, The Divinyls, Deadeye Dick and the Crash Test Dummies?
I thought so.
-Darth

The Internet Has Made Us All Sickos

I don't know what brought me to Googletrendstoday, but I found myself reading over the list of the top 100 phrases that had been searched on Google in the last 57 minutes @ 3:00pm on 8/20/09. Many of the items I expected, given what I had heard on NPR that morning. Things like "powerball winner" "chesterton tornado", "world s cheapest car", and "octomom".

I listened to Howard Stern this morning as well. He had Rob Zombie on with his wife Sheri Moon. He also talked about Shawn King, Larry King's wife. All three of these names were in the top 50 searches. Again, not surprising,

Also not surprising were searches related to Caster Semenya. She/He/It is an Olympic hopeful that has been setting crazy women's track records recently and has now come under investigation by the IAAF because they aren't sure what Caster's gender is.

Now as difficult as this may sound for Caster, take a look at these photos and maybe you can understand where the IAAF is coming from.

Notice anything strange about this person?

Am I imagining it, or is there a bulge in the normally budge-free area on a woman? Power of suggestion perhaps? Probably not.

This story, Casters ambiguous gender, leads into another topic; ambiguous genitalia. Ambiguous genitalia was the number 2, 4 and 8 searches during about a 4 hour period this morning. If you follow a link to the search for the term "ambiguous genitalia" you will understand whyThe Internet Has Made Us All Sickos.Do you really need to do an image search to see pictures of semi-penises and proto-vages? You can't just imagine what they look like, you actually need to see a set of labia with a 4" clitoris/penis and mini balls that look like really bad hemorrhoids? Who needs that? I sure the hell don't.

But apparently its just the sickos that use Google who do, because Yahoo!'s top searches for the day did not include Caster, ambiguous genitalia or anything remotely interesting.

Actually the people that use Yahoo! must be teenage girls, stay at home moms and video game geeks because the top searches were Twitter, Big Brother, Brittney Spears and several entries related to the new Playstation 3.

One other interesting note is that the number 17 search on Yahoo! for this day was for its rival Bing.

Back to Google for a few last thoughts; at the time this was written the Ryan Jenkins story was breaking so everyone was searching for crap with his name or "i love money" in the search term, but the funniest search term was "white people stole my car".

Lastly, since I hate sports in generally and deliberately don't know sport figures, their names, records or affiliations I had to google IAAF, which was not one of the top 100 terms.

With all due respect,
The Chief

Mascots That Have To Go!

I'm sure some of you out there likes a mascot or two.
Who doesn't love Fred Bird (besides Angry Brady and The Chief)?
Or Jack from Jack In The Box. The SINGLE greatest marketing campaign of the the last 20 years.

But, there are those out there that just need to go.
Here's the short list.

The Six Flags Guy. I've already established my utter disdain for this douchebag.
First off, no one likes anyone in old man makeup. It never looks right and, of course, they always start dancing. Then, this year, they decide to have him talk. He needs to go the way of the Taco Bell Chihuahua. Die.

Ronald McDonald - This guy has one major strike against him from the start.
He's a fucking clown. Who doesn't hate clowns? Check out the video on our media page to see how creepy he was in the beginning.
If Ronald really ate all that McDonald's food do you really think he'd be as thin as he is on the commericials?
Actually, when was the last time you saw him on a commercial?
He's a shut-in now.

Burger King. This guy is creepy. Who didn't get creeped out by the first commercial with this revised monarch? A dude was woken in the middle of the night with this character standing at the foot of his bed with a Whopper in his hand.
Wow, did the creators of this commercial have some step-father or uncle issues that they had to work out?

All Geico insurance mascots:
Geico takes the cake. Not only do they have an obnoxious mascot, they have three!
First is the Gecko. Cute at first. I'd still like to step on him though. He's not as bad as the other two.
Then there is the Cavemen. How obnoxious are these guys? Are we supposed to feel sorry for them? They became the first ad campaign characters to get their own television show. I think it ended up being cancelled after two episodes.
Perhaps there is a God.
The most recent addition to this hated triad is the Money you could have saved with Geico.

Retarded.
Now we have to hear "Somebody's Watching Me" by Rockwell again. Didn't we hear that enough in 1984?
They are running out of ideas. The worst part of Geico is that they don't retire any of their characters. All three of these are running right now.
None of them can make me pick up the phone and call for insurance quotes. Not even the Progressive Lady can get me to do that and I find her oddly attractive.

I'm sure I've missed some in the list. Feel free to let us know which ones you hate and why.
-Darth

News!! Print, Media, and The Net

Greetings and salutations!

I have almost completely "weened" myself from the large and enticing, but ever growing and ominous teat that is Google. Browser has changed, e-mail is in process, and I have found other places to glean images and the like. If you can't comprehend why, or you still think it's just the "do no evil",their own words, big fluffy friend that has all the answers, then have a look at this...

DO NO EVIL

If your attention span is that of a gnat, email me. I send ya' the PDF. This is part of an ongoing story and I digress.

The actual premise of today's meanderings is that of the news sites I have encountered, and my continued belief that society is coughing up sputum from the More, Better, Faster, Shinier Virus it has contracted.

Perusing some of these "news" sites makes me ill!! Even from the likes of the BBC, Washington Post, New York Times, etc,etc. Actual news that can be informative, thought provoking, and that might even convince me that I'm not being lied to.... About 30%. That's being generous!!

The rest... ABSOLUTE BULLSHIT!! Don't believe me? Check out The L.A. Times. This is the fucking front page!! Check out as many others as you care to. The BBC is probably the closest thing to news that I remember.

Television, rrrrrh, I don't even wanna get started on that worthless medium!! The only thing I can discern as news on that shit is traffic, and to a much lesser extent weather. An even lesser extent may be news of missiles heading our way!

Have our attention spans really gotten down to 3 second sound bites, Beer Summits, and which celebrity is doing whatever the fuck those people do?! Plastic! We love it!! We love it so much, when Dow came out with the shit, it wasn't long after we had to start living it, consuming it, being it.

My moniker fits me, with good reason! If others were to take the blinders off and smell the turd, and not recoil back into Plastic World; to really look at what is going on around them, we may be in a much better spot. How does everybody think we get into the messes of the variety we are in now?

Want an answer?? COMPLACENCY!!!!!! Power loves that shit. What's on the news is only a symbol people. Are you too busy being mind-fucked by your bag of MSG laden chips and your NutriSweet fortified cola? "It's all the good stuff, so you won't fight so much"!!

Back to Dreamland....

ANgrY brADy

Eat This Not That, You Friggin' Idiot

Come on people do you really need a book that tells you not to eat a burger with three patties, three slices of cheese and thousand island dressing?

Really? Are you all that stupid?

What really blows my fucking mind is that there is not one book but three, one for fat adults, one for their fat kids and one so that the fat family can figure out that shit with names like Chessy Straws, Pillsbury Big Deluxe Classics White Chunk Macadamia Nut and Butter Bits are not health food. For god sakes, "Big" and "Chunk" don't give you a frigging clue?

Its 2009, if you don't know that ground chuck and peanut butter ice cream sandwiches make your ass big, than you are an idiot. If you need to buy a book that tells you not to eat a banana split with caramel, chocolate and strawberry sauces, whipped cream and three scoops of ice cream from Cold Stone, you should be spending the $24.95 to buy a goalie mask to keep your fork hand from reaching your mouth.

Sorry folk, I don't fell bad for fatties that eat shit all day long, buy books like these and read them while they lay on the damn couch.

I don't.

You're fat because you eat too much, not because you don't know what not to eat. If you really don't know what not to eat, heres a tip:

Try just not eating the crap you have been for the last few years. That should be a good start. Its obviously not good for you.

If you already own this book and you can't see your feet, well I told you.

With all due respect,
The Chief