Superbowl Half Time Show Sucked, I Told You It Would

Did you catch the 12 minutes of god-awful full force suck-tude that the Who perpetrated during the Superbowl Half Time Show? If not let me lay it out for you.

1. Roger Daltrey can't sing. Not a friggin' note! He screamed 80% of the crap he "sang". He's too old and his voice is shot I guess, though I'm not sure if he ever could sing.
2. Pete Townsend is just plain creepy looking. Personally his guitar playing has never been my thing, but now he's so "creepy old man" looking that all I could do was look at him and think, what the hell is that old pedophile doing on stage?
3. The laser light show that was going on was very high-tech, if today was February 8, 1990.
4. These songs (Pinball Wizard, Baba O'Reilly, Won't Get Fooled Again) are so dated. Pinball Wizard? I'll bet half the people watching the game have never played pinball.
5. These guys are old. Really old and they came off kind of sad. I'm not sure how the Stones do it, but the Who doesn't.

At least the NFL didn't actually pay the Who for their performance, they did it for free. Not sure why, maybe they had a crystal ball and saw how bad they were going to be.


Now the Half Time Show also includes the think-necked mental Special Olympics where the four commentators, James Brown, Dan Marino, Bill Cowher, Shannon Sharpe and Boomer Esiason all talk over each other, trying as hard as possible to get air-time and to get in a stupid pun or bad analogue. 


This year they had Shannon Sharpe who must have had a bag of marbles in his mouth. He was almost unintelligible. Since I'm not in the television production business I'm not certain but, I would think it might be helpful to listen to  the commentators talk before you actually put them on TV.


Overall the half time show was just what I expected, Sh!T. Just like every other year. You'd think the NFL could pull this thing together for once.


Good game though. I was thrilled to see the face of Payton Manning in complete disgust, near tears. I love it when the pedestal is knocked out from underneath the celebrated.


With all due respect,
The Chief

Real Review - Legion: What A F-ing Waste!

Legion
Directed by Scott Stewart
Written by Peter Schink and Scott Stewart

WorldFullofIdiots Rating:

Saturday my wife and I went to the movies. The plan was to see Daybreakers, the latest vampire movies. It looked good, but apparently its not. Its been out only a few weeks and its already down to one show, at 10pm on the smallest screen in the theater.

So we went for my next choice, another movie that during the trailer I remember saying, "oh fuck that looks goood," Legion.

The plot basics of this movie are nothing new, its about Judgement Day or Armagedeon, or whatever name (insert name of religion here) calls the end of the world at god's hand. The twist this time is that god is mad at us, and decides that he isn't going to put up with any more of our bullshit so he send a legion of angels to earth to kill us all. The crazy thing is that the angels possess our bodies and turn us into evil, flesh eating zombies.

I'm not sure but I think angel-possesion-induced-flesh eating-zombieism is mentioned in Leviticus.

Anyway the deal is that the angels are to wipe us out, buuuuut, god missed something. He didn't remember that this trailer trash little whore in the desert of New Mexico somewhere, is pregnant with what is eluded to be never called the Second Coming.

It's weird that omniscient God missed this. Seemed obvious enough to me within the first 10 minute.

Ok maybe the first 5 minutes.

So he send the Archangel Michael down to kill the mother or the baby or something. Its never really spelled out because before we know what is is supposed to do, we discover that he's not going to do it.

So far, pretty cool. Michael is some dude I've never seen before but he reminds me of whatever that guy's name is that play James Bond now and he seems to be capable of ass kicking.

The movie dissolves to a scene out in the aforementioned desert where the pregnant girl is working as a waitress in a shitty little diner owned by Dennis Quaid. The first and only scary scene in the movies occurs here and you've already seen it. The one with the demon-old lady? Yep that one and its pretty cool, but I had already seen it, for free, in the trailer. Kind of like when you used to by a CD for 14 bucks to later realize the only good song is on the radio, for free.

After this scene the movie begins to suffer from EXTREMELY poor editing. There's a bit where everyone is in a truck trying to get the victim of the old lady to a hospital. They're driving like mad across the desert straight in to a plague of flies. Next scene everyone is back at the diner, like the last 5 minutes never happened, leaving me wondering "how did they get back and who is the shit head that edited this movie?"

Editing is obvious throughout the movie, something that good editing should never be leaving you with several instances asking what just happened. Steven Kemper and the director Scott Stewart need to go back to film school and retake The Art and Craft of Film Editing. UCLA is offering it this spring through their extension campus.

The remainder of the film suffers from overwriting. Each of the characters that are in the diner at the beginning of the movie are given a sappy soliloquy about the tragic life, to the point that you hope the angel-possesion-induced-flesh eating-zombies come and eat them all and get it over with. I think the most memorable line is one delivered by Charles S Dutton playing Percy Walker the amputee fry cook. He tells us that when he was a little boy his daddy used to sit with him before he fell asleep and would ask him if he died in his sleep tonight, would he beproud of what he had done in his life so far, because if not he needs to get square. Or something like that.

At this I turned to my wife and asked, "who the fuck says that to a little kid right before he goes to bed?"

The movie's action and plot follow along a highly predictable formula; tough guy Michael, fights God's other right hand man Gabriel to the finish, saving the trampy waitress and her unborn baby, the diner owners semi-retarded son ends up with the waitress and all the angel/zombies go away and everything is fine.

I guess there is very little originality anymore, and even less in biblical fiction, but come on this was the best they could come up with?

All in all the movies gets a one ass-fist out of five, which means it sucked.

The Chief

Christmas Lights - The Lame, The Tacky and The Just Plain Creepy

Last night my family and I drove around our general area to enjoy the local Christmas light displays. This is something that we do every year, at least a couple times, while typically eating some ice cream. Why ice cream and Christmas lights? I don't know, why not?

Most of our time is spent singing made up lyrics to the Christmas songs that are playing on the radio like "Jingle balls, jingle balls, jingle all the way, oh what pain it is to go with them left loose to sway-ay!", and making fun of people stupid inflatable shit.

Since my kids are pretty snarky like me, fun is had by all. Even though my wife doesn't make funny of anyone herself, she does appreciate our humor.

Our favorite display style to make fun of is those which contain more than one inflatable or animatronic. Usually people that have more than one of either have multiples of both, which creates a sort of creepy scifi Christmas at the droid factory / Christmas in the land of misfit toys look.

I know people put this shit in their yard to entertain their kids, but it does spread joy to guys like me as well. The joy of making fun of what a mockery they have turned Christmas into. Just how many semi-inflated snowmen and robotic Rudolfs do you need to get into Heaven anyway Jesus?

Most people put lights in their trees, around their bushes, their front doors, maybe down the drive way like some kind of fucking landing strip (which I totally don't get; probably the same people who as kids drew stick figures). Some folks do blinking lights and icicle lights on the house and eaves, but some people just have no taste.

At all.

Like the ass-wipe that puts five different colors of lights all over his yard then uses net lights on the bushes to get that whole "fish net Christmas" thing and finishes it off with the creepy three candles with the orange flames in the windows. You know the ones that they USED to sell in the 70's, that they must have either kept when their grandmother passed away or bought at a garage sale.

Or the people that run three strands of multi-colored lights around on goddamn straggly ass tree in their yard, in front of their 8,000 square foot three story. Come on douche, like you could afford another box of lights?

But aside from the tacky and creepy there are two displays that I totally want to get out and knock over. The first is the manger scene. I don't care that Christmas is supposed to be about the birth of Jesus. Especially since he wasn't born in December anyway. The manger is creepy. Bunch of fucking bearded dudes with hooks standing around looking at a baby while his mother tries to cover him up and the step father collects the gifts all in a horse stall with hay everywhere and farm animals milling about, probably lamb shit all over the place. Creepy.

The second display that makes me want to get out of the car, knock on the door and ask the douche bag who put it up to take it down is the strand of white lights up a pole with a half-ass star on top. Too religious, not fun, not Christmasy, all it lacks is an inflatable Pope in front of it.

Finally, what is the deal with LED lights? They are so frigging bright that it hurst my eyes and who the hell pays $11 for a strand of 100 lights, when I can get a strand of 100 regular lights for $3? In the words of Charlie Brown, Good Grief! Give that extra Christmas light money to the bell ringer Griswold!

With all due respect,
The Chief

100% Compatibility - Microsofts' Ransom Note

I hate Microsoft. Lets just get that out of the way.
Actually thats not accurate, I hate Windows. I actually really like Office, but Windows regardless of the version is complete shit.

Shut up, yes it is. You know it as well as I do. How many times in the last month have you had to restart your PC because it just locked up? How about in the last week? How many times have you had to get out the restore disc to get that Piece-of-Chit working again?

Ok how many times have you not been able to print to a printer that you just used? How many updates and security patches have you installed? How about the number of times you've tried to shut down or restart for whatever reason and watched the "Windows Is Shutting Down" message on the screen for an hour?

Probably more times than I have, I guarantee it in all cases.

Now that I've laid that out, lets look at Windows 7, otherwise known as Windows Vista - Pig in Makeup Edition. 100% backward compatibility. Remember the commercials? Or the ads? I do. I remember a faint tinge of fear that they might actually get it right this time forcing me to stop bashing their shitty OS. But no, the one thing Microsoft never lets me down with is their ability to NOT DELIVER.

Windows 7 was supposed to be 100% compatible with XP programs and all hardware that was "current". Really, they actually stuck out their skinny geek necks and promised 100% compatibility. But what they didn't tell you 100% backward compatibility is not available to everyone.

In fact some XP and Vista users, will not have access to XP compatibility at all unless they fork up the $199 to upgrade to Ultimate.

You see, in the Microsoft viewpoint there are no poor students or families just able to afford their computers or any customer respect. No just greed.

To get XP compatibility you have to run your XP programs in a "virtualized environment". Essentially Windows creates a second computer running XP inside your Windowns 7 computer. You can imagine that this is probably not going to give you the speed, graphic performance or stability that running the program in regular XP would, and you'd be imagining right.

The funny thing is that I run Windows apps on my Mac all day long doing the exact same thing, the difference being it doesn't crash my Mac or make it run slow and the rest of my computing experience is stable and smooth and doesn't require weekly security patches.

My most recent personal experience with this was with a new netbook computer running Windows 7. I bought it for work purposes and installed the one and only PC app that it had to run, which was written for XP. Guess what? The little netbook only comes with a crippled version of 7 called Starter and Starter doesn't include XP mode or even support it. My options were two, buy the $199 upgrade making my $400 netbook a $600 one or send the fucking thing back.

Give you one guess as to the option I chose.

What I don't understand though is why some many people are willing to put up with this crappy company, their crappy products and their complete lack of customer appreciation. I guess the world really is full of idiots.

Like you didn't see that coming.

With all due respect,
The Chief

Ever Notice - People in Waco are Really Creative

Waco, Texas.

Home of David Koresh and his Branch Davidians and Trista Joy Lathern.

Trista faked having breast cancer and told people that she was on chemotherapy.

She went as far a shaving her head and putting out fliers all over Waco for a fundraiser in her honor to help pay for her bullshit-treatments because "her health insurance had run out".

Hundreds of apparent suckers showed up at the event that hosted four bands a raffle and a bake sale. Upwards of $10,000 was raised for Trista's titty fund.

Titty Fund? Yes!

Trista used the money to get breast implants.

I have to admit this is the most creative way I've ever heard of someone raising for my implants.

It almost worked too, except as creative as Trista was, she's not real bright. She went to a plastic surgeon in Waco that HAD SEEN THE FLIERS FOR THE FUNDRAISER.

Needless to say the doc was suspicous and called the cops when Trista brought over 3 grand in cash for the down payment on the surgery.

The best part is that her husband was fouled as well. He maintains that he did not know that she didn't have cancer until the police came to question her.

Trista was arrested on November 4th for theft by deception and was released on bond two days later. The same day in fact that her husband filed for an annulment of their 7 month marriage. He also requested custody of their two son's ages 3 and 5.

Ages 3 and 5? 7 month marriage? Well its Texas after all. At least she's not 14.

Trista was re-arrested on the 9th because the Waco PD found a warrant for her on check fraud charges from 2007. Obviously the Waco PD is really on the ball. Aren't they the ones that freaked out on the Davidians and called in the AFT?

With all due respect,
The Chief

Five Great Places to Eat within 5 Minutes of the Lone Wolf Coffee Company

Being a West St. Louis County resident presents a dining dilemma; where to eat/drink/hang that isn't a chain restaurant. In the Ellisville/Ballwin/Wildwood area there are many places to eat, but really only a few that offer a quality, varied menu and good service in a atmosphere that makes you feel like your eating a place that loves your community. We've lived in the Wildwood area for 17 years, and have impatiently waited for the menus to grow with the population. There have been some great places come and stay, and a few that stayed too long and we've tried them all.

As you may have read, a couple of our readers think that I am unsatisfiable. I am critical, picky, a bit harsh and sometimes downright nasty, but I want something other than Sysco re-heats and Sam's Club products for my dollar. 

To remove any concern that I "hate everything" I offer this "cluster-review"of my favorite places to dine, with your family, within five minutes of my least favorite place.

5)  Peppers Deli and BBQ - near Summer Winds Nursery, close to the corner of Clarkson and Manchester
     36 Clarkson Rd
     Ellisville, MO

After 11 years of serving some of the best smoked and barbecued meats in the area, Pepper has our vote. The location may not be glamorous, but the food kicks ass. My wife is the real Peppers fan. We get a big tray full of their smoked chicken quesadillas for our annual Halloween Party, about 50 and they are usually gone within first 10 minutes. Almost every year we have people ask us where they come from and we never hesitate to tell them.

We love to stop in for a quick and simple dinner during the week and typically split the Southwest BBQ Wrap with pulled pork. Its huge and filling and delicious. They have a big menu with everything from their 11 different wraps to 10 salads and gourmet dogs and sandwiches. Best of all though is they have like 11 different meats that are rubbed and smoked to perfection. Anything from angus brisket to buffalo burger to half chickens and most if not all of it is ready to take home in the coolers or can be order for pick up.

Like all the places in this review, the service here is as good as the food. Its a small place and there are usually just a couple of people working, but they knock out the orders in minutes and have the time to chit-chat with you while they do it. They even have a little patio area to the side, which is where we usually enjoy our wrap when the weather is decent.

Best of all, this year the owner called my wife to make sure that the quesadillas met her expectations and to thank her for her business over the last few years. He didn't have to call, we would have ordered next year anyway, but its nice to know that he noticed.


4)   Senor Pique - in front of Marshals and Homegoods
      14870 Manchester Rd
      Ballwin, MO 63011-4620

I am a mexiphile. Love the country, love the food, y la gente.  My whole family does. There are lots of mexican joints in the far West County area, but for my peso this place is the best. They don't sell you ground beef tacos and bland chicken fajitas that taste like your Aunt Edna made them with a Lowrys Seasoning packet. Their flavors are strongly authentic and their offerings are well beyond the standard Tex/Mex style of many of their competitors. They offer plates you just don't find anywhere else that I've been; like Tacos de Chicharon Verde - small "open face" tacos of porkloin cooked in jalapenos, or Tacos de Cameron - spicy grilled tiger shrimp tacos with chipotle cream and avocado or my personal favorite Chile Morita con Puerco - porkloin simmered in the house chile morita sauce that will burn your frigging eyes out but god its good.

As good as the food is, the service is better. The wait staff are all super friendly, super attentive and all seem to be having a good time. I've never had the opportunity to meet the owner/manager, but I've seen him in action. He always seems to be smiling and having a good time as well. Speaking of good times, they love to party at Senor Pique because they throw huge outdoor parties throughout the spring and summer starting with Cinco de Mayo.

And BTW they were voted the Best Mexican in St. Louis in the RFT for 2007. Great place.


3)  Sarah's Cafe and Bakery - by Elegant Child and Zick's Nursery
     505 Strecker Road 
     Wildwood, MO

I love breakfast. I love cupcakes. My wife does too.
We love Sarah's

I think we have been here almost every Saturday morning since sometime in March, with the exception of the past few months due to early morning 6th grade football games. I've had every scramble, the wheat germ pancakes, the waffles and the Southwest burrito. All crazy good. 

They serve espresso drinks as well a good cup of coffee and they keep your cup filled which I love.

The bakery stuff is ridiculous, -ly good. There are a lot of cupcake places in St. Louis all hoping to cash in on the Sprinkles craze and to be honest they all pale in comparison to Sarah's. These cupcakes are the right size, they have just enough frosting and the cake is high quality, not too sweet, moist, yum. The other bakery items are excellent as well like the cake truffles, the cookies and the bars. My wife is partial to the apricot bar which when they don't have it she almost cries.

They also do lunch but not dinner and the lunch menu is very good as well. I've only been there once for lunch and I had the Provencial Salad. The flavor and ingredient quality surpassed its $7.99 price tag.

Again, the service here is also excellent. You never wait for anything, your coffee cup is always full, your water glass is always full, your food is always hot and your order is always right. 


2)  Mulligans Grill - next to Gaffneys Sports, behind Pizza Hut
     11 Clarkson Road
     Ellisville, MO

21 beers from across the world, killer martinis, hot wings that call your name and burgers that could be served to royalty. Not your usual sports bar. I hate to even call it a sports bar because to me they're not places I usually want to go, but Mulligans is different, yet still a sports bar with TVs at every angle with every game on and the requisite Golden Tee.

They have honestly the best wings around. So good in fact, we have friends that come back to St. Louis three times a year after having moved to Wichita and always stop at Mulligans for wings, and take some home. I can't even imagine the way their car smells when they get home. Actually I doubt they make it home without eating the wings anyway.

My personal favorite is the Divot (all of the food items have golf related names) which is a huge albacore tuna fillet grilled with sautéed mushrooms and provel cheese on a kaiser roll. Its something that I can only go about two weeks without having to have it again. My wife craves the PGA wrap with their buffalo chicken strips, cheddar cheese, lettuce, tomato and green onions. When she doesn't do the PGA she does the house salad with their homemade ranch. Simple and delicious.

One of our family's most requested items from Mulligans though is their waffle fries, which really are the best I've ever had.

All of this great food, served in a quaint Pub atmosphere that's super family friendly and served by people that say things like "great to see you guys again" and "welcome back we missed you" make Mulligans a place that my family will always return to.


1) Faraci's Pizza - right in front of Shop and Save in Ellisville
    15430 Manchester Road
    Ellisville, MO

The Faracis; Joe, Dorothy, Vince and Pete are like family to us. We have been regular customers since 1994, eating there every Friday night as a family or with friends and sometimes Saturday too. We bring everyone we know here, especially people that have never had St. Louis style pizza.

Now, if you don't like St. Louis-style pizza they have great pastas a killer house salad, great sandwiches and heck they even have a burger that my picky-ass son loves. But seriously what's wrong with you? St. Louis-style pizza is like heaven and makes Chicago-style look like the overweight, greasy mess it is. Thin crisp crust, provel cheese, square slices, ahh St. Louis style pizza is the best.

The thing though about Faracis Pizza that brings us back is the people, the owners and the staff. They are just really good, friendly, caring people. They love what they do and it shows. The Faraci elders, Joe and Dorothy are there to greet you at the door, ask how your kids are, how's business, how's life, et cetera. While the boys, Vince and Pete, yell "hey guys" from the window between the counter and the kitchen. The wait staff, Rene and Michelle have worked there forever and bring you your usual beverage without having to ask. Its that kind of place. Their back up crew, Tim and Anthony, are right there with whatever you need and are always hustling. And everybody is having fun. Lots of laughs, lots of smiles even when they place is completely full and has a line out the door.

There are other places in the five minute zone that are good too, but these are our favorites. If your favorite is not here, sorry, but feel free to say so. 


With all due respect,
The Chief

Eat This Not That, You Friggin' Idiot

Come on people do you really need a book that tells you not to eat a burger with three patties, three slices of cheese and thousand island dressing?

Really? Are you all that stupid?

What really blows my fucking mind is that there is not one book but three, one for fat adults, one for their fat kids and one so that the fat family can figure out that shit with names like Chessy Straws, Pillsbury Big Deluxe Classics White Chunk Macadamia Nut and Butter Bits are not health food. For god sakes, "Big" and "Chunk" don't give you a frigging clue?

Its 2009, if you don't know that ground chuck and peanut butter ice cream sandwiches make your ass big, than you are an idiot. If you need to buy a book that tells you not to eat a banana split with caramel, chocolate and strawberry sauces, whipped cream and three scoops of ice cream from Cold Stone, you should be spending the $24.95 to buy a goalie mask to keep your fork hand from reaching your mouth.

Sorry folk, I don't fell bad for fatties that eat shit all day long, buy books like these and read them while they lay on the damn couch.

I don't.

You're fat because you eat too much, not because you don't know what not to eat. If you really don't know what not to eat, heres a tip:

Try just not eating the crap you have been for the last few years. That should be a good start. Its obviously not good for you.

If you already own this book and you can't see your feet, well I told you.

With all due respect,
The Chief

Osbournes Reloaded? - Load of Shit You Mean

Did anyone see this? I think I may be one of the only people that actually Tivoed this travesty. It was 12 minutes of really bad teleprompter reading by the Osbourne family and 28 minutes of buffers and theme songs replays and recaps. All the usually buffoons were there, the fat son, the fat daughter, the Sharron monster and Ozzy, who didn't seem to be as doddering as he has, but still moves like an 80 year old man.

The show is essentially supposed to be a audience participation program wherein they put douche bags up to ridiculous tasks and situations. Out of the box, Sharron has Kelly go out into the crowd and find "the hottest guy she can find" who turns out to be some Chicano dude named Juan Carlos who could stand to lose 25 pounds and get a toupee. She then asks Kelly to find him a kissing partner to wit Kelly asks male or female in an attempt at seeming outrageous. Juan Carlos wants a girl and Kelly find a half-way decent looking 20-something as his victim. They are blindfolded and told to kiss for 15 seconds, which was both gross and hard to watch. After the 15 seconds they are told to do it again but for 30 seconds and as the blindfolded couple goes to kiss, you guessed it, they change the young girl for someones grandma. It was neither clever or funny, just nasty. He figures it out right away, he pretends to be into it for a second, but then asks "what the fuck it this". Its all very awkward and unfunny.

Their next bit is to trick a guy that was "randomly selected" from the audience into marrying his desperate girlfriend who has set the whole thing up. He's a fucking fat, bald dork and she is totally pathetic. They whisk them off to the contemplation room where he pretends to mull it over, while she cries in anticipation. Really, REEEEAALLY stupid. At the end of the show, they get married and everything is wonderful. What a fucking mess. They have some stupid band playing White Wedding to make it seem all rock and shit, but again it comes off dumb.

There is a bit where Kelly and Ozzy go to work at a fast food drive-thru. Ozzy can't hear the orders and Kelly cusses everyone then Ozzy throws food at people. Very dumb.

At the end of the show Ozzy sprays the front rows with some kind of foam out of a fire hose. I can tell you right now if some cocksucker soaked me in shit I'd jump that stage and shove the fucking hose down his throat. I can't believe that anyone would put up this that, even if they were told that they might get shit on them. He completely drowned this one chick and her boyfriend. Uh, I would have fucking killed him and the producer.

All in all the show was bad. It was amateurish at best and looked like it was directed and produced by high school kids. I think my son's high school theater group does a better job and their jokes and gags are actually funny.

There is little chance that I'll waste my time with this again, but if you do let me know. I'm curious if anyone else finds this entertaining. The Osbournes need to go back to what they do best, cussing, letting dogs shit all over their house and drugs.

With all due respect,

The Chief

Conficker Worm - What A Let Down

I am completely disgusted. I had really been holding high expectations for this little guy. I was really, truly expecting utter devastation, but no. Nothing. Not even a snail trail on the collective keyboards of the PC world. Shit.

If you watched the news at all this week, or the week before; or if you listened to the radio, or read the paper, you totally knew the CONFICKER was going to completely fucking destroy the computer world. You knew because they kept telling us over and over and over again. They warned about Conficker more than they warned us about borrowing more money on our houses then their actually worth, but I digress. It was so scary that media was telling us that we should not even turn our computers on on 4/1 unless we absolutely had to.

You have to love the irresponsibility of the American Media Machine. If only half of the countries' consumers didn't buy anything online because their computers were off, it would kill nearly $35,000,000 is business for one day. It would also prove to the fucking little, zit-faced, basement dwelling douche bags that create these fucking computer diseases, that they can wield some kind of pseudo-power over the rest of us. Well, you PC using zombies anyway.

Now when Micro$oft puts out a bounty on your head, you must be doing something right. Obviously they know more about what could have happened they anyone. The question we should all be asking is why the fuck we have to buy software to protect the software Microshaft sells us. Or better yet why do people still use Windows and why dont these people tighten up their shitty OS?

I know, because they are all idiots! Thats right. If you have to live in fear of some guy stealing your bank data or your porn collection that even your mom would have made fun of when you were in high school then YOU ARE AN IDIOT.

Conficker con-fucked you all. It made Norton, McAffy, Microsoft and the media look like a bunch of dip shits. I love it!

Nice work Apple. You got 'em right where you want 'em.

The Chief

Quick Review - Shitty New Cafe´ / Coffee Place in West County

LOGO REMOVED BECAUSE SOMEONE GOT THEIR FEELINGS HURT


ALERT! This is a real review! Not the usual Bullshit!


Lone Wolf Coffee Company
15480 Clayton Road
Ballwin, Missouri 63011
Phone: 636-527-7027

They've been open for a month, maybe more and we've been twice. Both times for an early dinner and post-mangia coffee. The first night we arrived to a chaotic gathering of people, presumably friends of the owner or family maybe, and even though their numbers we less than 20, the FIVE people behind the counter acted like a circus train just pulled up. It was kind of funny, in a very irritating sort of way, like the kind of funny you experience when a clown steps on your foot.

We worked for about 10 minutes to order our food, two sandwiches, to only discover that they don't have a soda fountain. They only serve 1-liter bottles of Pepsi products out of an open-face cooler next to the register. Very tacky and disappointing 1) because we hate Pepsi and 2) because duh! people usually want fountain soda not plastic bottled soda especially in an eat-in restaurant.


Once we had finished our order, we sat at a two top by the windows near the register so that we could watch people coming in and out and to see their reaction to the place. The reaction was pretty universal; a mix of "what do you mean you don't have fountain soda" and "how fucking hard can it be to order a sandwich" with a touch of "hey a new place!".

My wife and I sat and watched and looking over the decor while we waited and waited for our food. It was maybe their second week so we expected it to take a while. The ambiance is, well not particularly appealing unless you like eating in a cycling center. Our guess is that the owner Ralph Pfremmer is a cyclist. (Refer to an earlier post on "Ah This Is Bullshit" for our opinion on cyclists) There are pictures of dickfaces in those stupid skin-tight cycling outfits all over the place. These pictured are scattered among framed racing numbers, because you know they're artwork, and photos of mountain landscape that they got at a starving artist sale. The walls are clad in fako-stone as to give the feel of a mountain lodge I suppose, but it really just doesn't make any sense with the rest of the cycling shit. There is a fireplace in one corner with a stage set up for a two piece band, which might be nice at some point, but I hope they stick with improving the food and service first.


Speaking of the food, once it came we were overwhelmed with boredom. I had the Mt. Fuji ($6.95) which is thinly sliced house-roasted beef with red pepper, cilantro, red onion & a wasabi sauce. Its served on split baguette. My wife had the St. Helena ($6.95) a swiss, cheddar & mozzarella cheeses w/ grilled pepper sandwich, served on balsamic-rubbed baguette. Hers came with house-made chips and mine the Paradise Lake salad. My sandwich was really just a dry roast beef. The red peppers were nearly untastable and the wasabi sauce tasted like little more than mayonnaise. The cilantro and red onion were represented by a single sprig and two rings respectively. The best part of the sandwich was the bread, which was actually very good. The salad was decent but drowning in its dressing, something that I really hate. The St. Helena was equally boring and tasteless. The cheeses were ice cold so they tasted like nothing and the grilled peppers were bland and kind of oily. The bread was clearly rubbed with something as evidenced by the oily stain on the slices, but it offered little to tickle the tongue. The chips were regrettably overdone and tasted like that nasty burnt Lays that you accidentally eat when you're not looking.


Once we finished the sandwiches, which took 15 minutes to get, I orders the coffee. They pour Kaldi's coffees which are in my opinion some of the best beans in the St. Louis area, if not the best. The barista (funny word) was very competent but under supported by his fellow counter-staff. I had a brewed cup, which was good, but then again its Kaldi's coffee really al Lone Wolf did was brew it. My wife had a caramel macchiato which should have been excellent given the coffee, but it had that burnt taste that espresso takes on when it's over-expressed or burnt in the grinder. Again it was early in their run so we figured we'd come back.


And we did about three weeks later (maybe two) This time we were the only people there. It was about 4:45pm and we had the place and staff to ourselves so we expected a different experience. Instead we were met with two different counter people that didn't know the menu or how to operate the POS machine. This time I had the Marrakesh ($6.95) Harissa-grilled chicken breast with lettuce, tomato, onion, spices and yogurt sauce, served on grilled flatbread. My wife did the St. Helena again. She wanted soup because it was ass-cold out, but all they had was some kind of beef stew soup that just didn't sound appealing. I had the salad as a side again and she the chips; we're predictable like that. When I read the description of the Marrakesh my first thought was of savory spiciness and tangy yogurt sauces, the flavors of Indian and Moroccan cuisine, all held in a soft buttery naan. Instead what I got was a shitty, dried up cracker with room temperature chicken strips and lettuce. There was absolutely no spice, no seasoning, no flavor. It was so bland that I had to open it up and salt and pepper it. The flat bread was like a bad lavash that completely disintegrated when I tried to eat the sandwich ala an old Ortega Taco shell. My salad was floating in dressing again. My wife's St. Helena was a little better than the last time, but the chips tasted like they were fried in oil they'd been using since we were in last.


The best part of this second experience was that we were the only people in the restaurant for quite some time, except for a couple of guys that we know to be the owners. They didn't know that we knew, but we did. As we sat and ate these two walked around the cafe and talked to each other periodically, moved a table here or there but were definitely not busy. They were however too busy to bother to ASK THE ONLY DINERS IN THE PLACE HOW THE FOOD WAS or even say hello. Very disappointing. But the stupidest thing I have ever experienced in a cafe was when one of these dipshits took the idiot that couldn't figure out the POS when we ordered and started showing her how to fold cloth napkins AT THE TABLE RIGHT NEXT TO US. There are probably 25-30 tables in this place but the only one they could use was the little two top next to us and all the while he never looked over and asked how we were doing, ever. Total Asshole.

We did coffee again but it was the same shit they served last time, so I won't bore you with the details. The only remarkable part of the coffee this time was that it took nearly 15 minutes for the girl behind the machine to make a vanilla latte and when she handed it to me she gave a half hearted "sorry". I wasn't sure if she was sorry for the wait or for how bad the latte was.


Now again the place is new, but come on. This Ralph Pfremmer guy is supposed to be some kind of big foodie but his cafe is crap. I give it 6 months, 9 tops, unless Mr. Pfood has enough cash to pump into it and keep it open. In that case I'll give it a year, unless they (he) gets with the program.


-The Chief

Microsoft Steals Another Idea from Apple

but will fuck it up too!



"Hey Kids, Welcome to MicrosoftlandstoreiWindblowsExperiencePlace! I'm Clippy and I'll show you around. Come on!

Over here we have one of my favorites, the Zune. Its like that other MP3 player, you know the one, but its way better because it can play all your favorites, well except not at the end of the year or if the stuff you want to listen to is in that old WMA format or if your trying to use it with Windows...

Speaking of Windows, have you guys seen Vista? Its great and it protects you from running anything that could mess up your computer, like Word or Outlook or Firefox. Really secure and its stays secure with hourly updates..."

Yep the have announced they're going to open a store. A Microsoft retail outlet. Just like Apple. And they're going to use a Walmart guy to shove it down your throat. Apparently Microsoft hasnt noticed that people aren't buying stuff these days.

But lets say for arguments sake that this is a good idea, that Microsoft can follow in Apples footstep to the retail store market. Do you think they will also have a Genius Bar, or will they call it a Genius Center or a Jenius Bar or better yet a eGenius eBar? Do you think they will have a area where the youngest Windows users can play games and surf the net and have their machines lock up and loose all their data too? Do you think they will have people that carry mini purchase terminals where they can help you make your purchase, swipe your credit card and then allow some hole in Windows 7 beta to leak your credit card number to the Iranian mofia? Will the Microsoft store be bold enough to have Zunes with headphones attached playing all the DMA free music that you can't actually buy and keep from the Zune Marketplace or will it be playing high quality FM radio?

Can someone explain to me why the rest of the world puts up with Microsoft and their shit products and completely blantant theft of every idea any one of their competitors comes up with? Why are you reading this on a computer that you have had to reboot at least twice since you started reading and why do you insist that buying a PC is more ecomonical as you pay for the third update for the registry cleaner, ant-spyware and disc defragger as well as the new video card that you had to have because your old one wasn't compatible with that last "security update"?

Anyone, anyone? Cue the crickets, Eugene!
-the Chief

Dick Clark New Years 2008

Just in case you missed it here’s a clip

Holy shit. Did anyone else see this? I’m not even sure where to start. Should we look at how queer all the acts were, or why the fuck was Lionel Richie there; or could the Jonas Brothers be odder, creepier little Disney robots; or how about WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO DICK’S MOUTH!?!?!?!? I didn’t know that having a stroke made your teeth morph into fangs.

First I have to be honest, I didn’t watch all of it, we were partying and it was on, so I’d catch a peek now and again, except when Dick was on, then I had to watch. I’m sorry but he’s a fucking train wreck. Whoever it is over at ABC that lets him keep doing this should be electrocuted.

I think maybe the best part is when they would go from Dick back to Ryan Seacrest and Ryan over-acts as if he understood Dick and that there was nothing at all weird about their interaction or that Dick is still cool. I think they told us that Dick has been on for 36 years about 36 times. Whatever!

After 36 years you’d think that ABC could come up with someone or something else. Yes we all like Dick Clark, I guess, but can’t we move on. We all liked Ronald Reagan but we let him fade away. The only person they found willing to share the screen with Dick the Ghoul was Ryan. Ryan Seacrest is the Hollywood equivalent of buzzards circling a guy dying in the desert. Only this desert is freezing and the guy just won’t die.

Beyond Dick Clark, I have to ask, who let Kelly Pickler talk? Why isn’t she naked and who in the fuck wears those goddamn glasses? Did this person, lady I think, look in the mirror and say,”yeah, these are definitely get me laid this year”?


Next year I’m not watching Dick Clark. I can’t. Unless he’s more fucked up then this year, then I’m going to record it and share it with you ASSHOLES!

The Chief

Twlight Is Completely Stupid

Ok I haven’t read these books, so before you go all “Twilight is the best book blahblahblah...” I’m talking about the movie.

1. When I pay $8 to see a movie, in a theater, it better never, ever be a shot with a goddamn Flip!
2. Vampires sparkle in sunlight? WTF? No, you stupid pubescent girls, vampires burn up in the sunlight. Everyone knows that!
3. Does the guy playing the pouty, half-a-fag (thanks Artie for that one) vampire have a speech impediment or a s s s s tuddderrr or does he need to go back to Theater Arts I at his high school?
4. I can’t believe it but they found a gayer, paler Tom Cruise to play the dad vampire.
   

Seriously, though this movie flowed like shit and made little to no sense. Were we supposed to just guess that they were in love because all I got was that he was horny and hungry? Speaking of which....