The iPad

Well, I'm not the kind to do a lot of dissin' on Apple, but I must say that the release of the iPad to the public was a major disappointment! Apple has done a lot of innovating in the last decade, shit for that matter most of it's existence! This thing, as released is a TURD!! I shall count the ways...
1. No camera! WTF!? That means no video chats or conferences, no photo taking, no video taking, NADA!
2. No app multi-tasking. With a processor this fast it's a waste of resources not to take advantage of that! I'm using X app and want to listen to say Pandora... NOPE! No can to dummy!
3. No true 1080p HD. When you want to watch a movie that's say filmed in 2.35:1, which a lot more theatrical releases are nowadays, you're only gonna take up about half the screen in portrait mode!! BUMMER!
4. No selection of other data carriers. I personally haven't had one problem with AT&T( and I even moved across the country with my first gen, nary a blip in service, except in mountains which I'd expect). I, on the other hand, just in principal don't like seeing any of the cell providers get too big or get a lock on anything!!
FUCK EM!! This is possibly the biggest faux pas on Apple's behalf! A lot of other humans HATE AT&T!!
5. No tactile feedback or more complex Gestures, as can be had on say, the newer MacBooks! Shit! Those even have 3 and 4 finger Gesture support!! LAME!
6. This is just a personal gripe of mine... FUCK E-BOOKS!!! Fuck em all to Hell!! Gearing us up for 

Fahrenheit 451 and shit!! I'd much rather have the ground up, chain sawn down, ozone depleting real thing in my hands! Ever see the e-book selections out there???!!! Hope you like reading the same shit as most everyone else!!

I realize this is merely the opening salvo from Apple, but if'n they don't get their shit together on the next version, it'll be considered a dumb move from many!!

The Price point ain't too bad considering 

it's an APPLE product... At least they got 

that ehhh??

Sorry Apple I still think you got the best products out there. just don't fuck this one up any more than you have.

That's my 6 cents.

AnGRy bRaDY

Real Review - Legion: What A F-ing Waste!

Legion
Directed by Scott Stewart
Written by Peter Schink and Scott Stewart

WorldFullofIdiots Rating:

Saturday my wife and I went to the movies. The plan was to see Daybreakers, the latest vampire movies. It looked good, but apparently its not. Its been out only a few weeks and its already down to one show, at 10pm on the smallest screen in the theater.

So we went for my next choice, another movie that during the trailer I remember saying, "oh fuck that looks goood," Legion.

The plot basics of this movie are nothing new, its about Judgement Day or Armagedeon, or whatever name (insert name of religion here) calls the end of the world at god's hand. The twist this time is that god is mad at us, and decides that he isn't going to put up with any more of our bullshit so he send a legion of angels to earth to kill us all. The crazy thing is that the angels possess our bodies and turn us into evil, flesh eating zombies.

I'm not sure but I think angel-possesion-induced-flesh eating-zombieism is mentioned in Leviticus.

Anyway the deal is that the angels are to wipe us out, buuuuut, god missed something. He didn't remember that this trailer trash little whore in the desert of New Mexico somewhere, is pregnant with what is eluded to be never called the Second Coming.

It's weird that omniscient God missed this. Seemed obvious enough to me within the first 10 minute.

Ok maybe the first 5 minutes.

So he send the Archangel Michael down to kill the mother or the baby or something. Its never really spelled out because before we know what is is supposed to do, we discover that he's not going to do it.

So far, pretty cool. Michael is some dude I've never seen before but he reminds me of whatever that guy's name is that play James Bond now and he seems to be capable of ass kicking.

The movie dissolves to a scene out in the aforementioned desert where the pregnant girl is working as a waitress in a shitty little diner owned by Dennis Quaid. The first and only scary scene in the movies occurs here and you've already seen it. The one with the demon-old lady? Yep that one and its pretty cool, but I had already seen it, for free, in the trailer. Kind of like when you used to by a CD for 14 bucks to later realize the only good song is on the radio, for free.

After this scene the movie begins to suffer from EXTREMELY poor editing. There's a bit where everyone is in a truck trying to get the victim of the old lady to a hospital. They're driving like mad across the desert straight in to a plague of flies. Next scene everyone is back at the diner, like the last 5 minutes never happened, leaving me wondering "how did they get back and who is the shit head that edited this movie?"

Editing is obvious throughout the movie, something that good editing should never be leaving you with several instances asking what just happened. Steven Kemper and the director Scott Stewart need to go back to film school and retake The Art and Craft of Film Editing. UCLA is offering it this spring through their extension campus.

The remainder of the film suffers from overwriting. Each of the characters that are in the diner at the beginning of the movie are given a sappy soliloquy about the tragic life, to the point that you hope the angel-possesion-induced-flesh eating-zombies come and eat them all and get it over with. I think the most memorable line is one delivered by Charles S Dutton playing Percy Walker the amputee fry cook. He tells us that when he was a little boy his daddy used to sit with him before he fell asleep and would ask him if he died in his sleep tonight, would he beproud of what he had done in his life so far, because if not he needs to get square. Or something like that.

At this I turned to my wife and asked, "who the fuck says that to a little kid right before he goes to bed?"

The movie's action and plot follow along a highly predictable formula; tough guy Michael, fights God's other right hand man Gabriel to the finish, saving the trampy waitress and her unborn baby, the diner owners semi-retarded son ends up with the waitress and all the angel/zombies go away and everything is fine.

I guess there is very little originality anymore, and even less in biblical fiction, but come on this was the best they could come up with?

All in all the movies gets a one ass-fist out of five, which means it sucked.

The Chief

Zombies: Way Cooler Than Vampires

"How many hours are in a day when you don't spend half of them watching television?
When is the last time any of us REALLY worked to get something that we wanted?
How long has it been since any of us really NEEDED something that we WANTED?
The world of commerce and frivolous necessity has been replaced by a world of survival and responsibility.
An epidemic of apocalyptic proportions has swept the globe casing the dead to rise and feed on the living.
In a matter of months society has crumbled, no government, no grocery stores, no mail delivery, no cable TV.
In a world ruled by the dead, we are forced to finally start living."


This is the text that appears on the back of every collected volume of The Walking Dead. I challenge you to find a better written book series out there. Far better written than that Twilight crap for 12-year-olds and more suspenseful and engaging than Charlaine Harris' "True Blood" books that seem to be written BY a 12-year-old. The funny thing is, it's not even a novel. It's a monthly B&W comic book.
It is by far, the best thing out there in literature. Yes. Literature.
Now, I'm not going to go into the argument of of great comic books are and how they're under-appreciated blah blah blah. It's all been done. Instead I'm going to give a quick breakdown of the premise of this great book in the hopes that you literary snobs out there will pick up an issue and get hooked.

Officer Rick Grimes is shot on the job. He wakes up from a coma in a hospital months later to find the staff gone and zombies roaming the halls. He sets off to find his wife and son. On his journey he runs into a variety of survivors and forms a group that struggle to stay alive while fighting off the dead, the elements and lack of food. They find that the most dangerous obstacle out there is not the dead but the living.
Not everyone is going to make it and you never know when your favorite character is going to bite the dust. There are constant WTF moments in the book. I have, on occasion, put the book down in disbelief at what just happened. Whether it's a major character getting bit by a zombie, someone getting their hand cut off or some atrocity being committed by people who exist in a world where there is complete anarchy. You will also witness the slow disintegration of a character's decency and sanity while you ask yourself what you would do in the same situation.

The book really pulls you in and gets you involved with the characters, good or bad, and what their fate will be. It's not just the great writing of Robert Kirkman but also the superb, minimalistic art of Charlie Adlard and Cliff Rathburn. Together they are master storytellers who aptly convey the desperation and fear in each character while they drive the story with great panels and a splash page here and there which blows you away with each little reveal.

Right now AMC has ordered a pilot for The Walking Dead TV series. It will swing into production in a couple months. Normally I'd be worried about something that I love so much getting the hollywood treatment but Kirkman will be producing along with Frank Darabont. Frank Darabont is the only guy to successfully adapt Stephen King onto the big screen with The Shawshank Redemption, The Green Mile and The Mist.

Let's face it folks, the majority of great movies out there these days are pulled from the comic book genre. Maybe it's because Hollywood has finally figured out how to do it right along with the fact that they are running out of good ideas. I'm perfectly fine with that. If they can pull off The Watchmen, Iron Man and 300 there's hope. We just can't forget travesties like League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, Constantine, Judge Dread, Batman & Robin and Superman III and IV.
So pick up The Walking Dead. It's available in Trade Paperback format, which is how I read it. They collect 6 issues in every trade. Right now it is up to Volume 11. Each trade will run you about 15 bucks. Well worth it. They are readily available at any Barnes and Noble or Borders or better yet, your local comic book store. My only advice: Try to spread them out. I read the first 8 trades over a 4 month period. Now I have to wait 3-4 months for each issue. It's a bit torchoreous.

Turn off your TV and read a book you idiots. It doesn't matter if it has pictures in it. It still counts.


- Darth

Yet Another Piece of Shit Company

In my attempt to expand my home music producing abilities, I purchased the M-Audio w/Pro Tools production suite, a.k.a. Fast Track. I distinctly remember asking the sales person if it was compatible with OS 10.6.2. The reply was YES. 
Off I was to the homestead to configure my new tool. This was a really great deal being that it had Pro Tools bundled, albeit a scaled down version for $99. Following each instruction, I eagerly installed the drivers and configured the hardware. The last step at hand was to install the Pro Tools suite. Insert the disk I did only to wait 45 minutes while the Goddamn load bar stalled at 95%. After an hour and 15 minutes... I get a message from my OS stating that the install failed and to contact the manufacturer. FUCK!
I went to M-Audio's website where I was informed that if I even remotely wanted help, I would have to register my software. ????????? Let's see here, register something I can't even get installed in the first fucking place!! That's classic! 
All of this to ultimately have a stripped down version of ProTools anyway!! 
So, after utilizing all of my options that stood before me, I decide to call M-Audio's tech support, which I wouldn't be able to do unless I had registered the fucking thing I can't use to begin with. I dial the number which just so happens to be some area code I had no knowledge of. Yes!!! Not even a 1-800 number! It was bothersome, but I have some 8000 plus minutes banked and figured what the Hell. As long as I get this resolved I can deal with a few lost cell minutes. And  NO I don't have a land line, so don't go there. I had 45  minutes before I had to pick the wife up from work, being it that I had the day off. Thirty minutes pass, and I listen to neo-techno Muzak! Real Horror Show! I have to go!!! I hop in the car and drive the 15 miles to my woman's work, she gets in and we start heading home. All the while, still on hold! Half way back to the house, dude gets on the line and sounds ever so happy to be working for M-Audio. I tell him my plight, in turn he tells me,"well sir, our site tells you that that particular piece of hardware isn't yet compatible with OS 10.6.2. But if I'd be patient an update should be forthcoming." When? I ask. He didn't know...... S.O.L. I exclaim that that is bullshit and unless you really want to sit down and search their website for an hour to find out it is not compatible with my OS, is really poor customer support and relations.
The long and short of this review and story is, in my humble opinion, DON'T BUY SHIT FROM M-AUDIO!!! Unless you appreciate being treated like a piece of human rubbish!! Die a quick death M-Audio or work like Hell on your customer support!!!

Good Riddance Christmas!

I don't know about you but I am thrilled that the holidays are finally over.
I'm certainly no Scrooge but, really, I'm glad that sh*t is over.
Why?
The reasons are too numerous and we've covered a few of them already. Namely, peoples' lame-ass inflatable yard decorations and lights.
Here's a few others.

Christmas Cards.
OK folks. Only send these if they are a regular Christmas card that has a short, personalized inscription.
DO NOT send Christmas cards that are just a lame picture of your kids.I was over at a friend's house and noticed the abundance of tacky Christmas cards. There's your typical family portrait ones. That's OK. No big deal. But guess what? I don't want to see pictures of just your kids on the front. If they're my relatives. Barely appropriate.
My beef is when you send a pretentious POS card that has photos of your kids engaged in polo, football or swimming. WHO CARES? Face it; no one likes your kids as much as you do.
These are very typical "Look-At-Me" people.
And don't send Christmas letters. Get on Facebook and update people that way, you narcissist.

Cookie Parties.
Don't do these anymore. A group of wives will bake cookies and get together and trade them off. No one ever makes them as good as you. If there was a guy version of this and the dudes brought beer you would be the one bringing the fancy imported sh*t and everyone else would bring Miller Light and PBR.
I take it back. Men respect each other more than that.

Gifts.
Admit it. Your gifts suck every year since you've been a grown-up/parent. As much thought that your spouse or kids FEEL they have put into your gift it will NEVER come close to the AT-AT your parents (Santa) got you when you were 9.

Politically Correct "Happy Holidays" Crap
It's Christmas, people. I'm far from being a christian but I agree that the season needs to be called Christmas. I'm not offended if the checkout person says "Merry Christmas." Anyone who doesn't recognize this as Christmas just stay home. Screw Kwanzaa and Hanukkah. Those are separate, and let's face it, one is just made up.I'm sure I'll expand this list next Christmas. After all, I'm getting more negative and crotchety in my old age.

'til next time, you whipper-snappers!

-Darth