Twlight Is Completely Stupid

Ok I haven’t read these books, so before you go all “Twilight is the best book blahblahblah...” I’m talking about the movie.

1. When I pay $8 to see a movie, in a theater, it better never, ever be a shot with a goddamn Flip!
2. Vampires sparkle in sunlight? WTF? No, you stupid pubescent girls, vampires burn up in the sunlight. Everyone knows that!
3. Does the guy playing the pouty, half-a-fag (thanks Artie for that one) vampire have a speech impediment or a s s s s tuddderrr or does he need to go back to Theater Arts I at his high school?
4. I can’t believe it but they found a gayer, paler Tom Cruise to play the dad vampire.
   

Seriously, though this movie flowed like shit and made little to no sense. Were we supposed to just guess that they were in love because all I got was that he was horny and hungry? Speaking of which....