Quick Review - Shitty New Cafe´ / Coffee Place in West County

LOGO REMOVED BECAUSE SOMEONE GOT THEIR FEELINGS HURT


ALERT! This is a real review! Not the usual Bullshit!


Lone Wolf Coffee Company
15480 Clayton Road
Ballwin, Missouri 63011
Phone: 636-527-7027

They've been open for a month, maybe more and we've been twice. Both times for an early dinner and post-mangia coffee. The first night we arrived to a chaotic gathering of people, presumably friends of the owner or family maybe, and even though their numbers we less than 20, the FIVE people behind the counter acted like a circus train just pulled up. It was kind of funny, in a very irritating sort of way, like the kind of funny you experience when a clown steps on your foot.

We worked for about 10 minutes to order our food, two sandwiches, to only discover that they don't have a soda fountain. They only serve 1-liter bottles of Pepsi products out of an open-face cooler next to the register. Very tacky and disappointing 1) because we hate Pepsi and 2) because duh! people usually want fountain soda not plastic bottled soda especially in an eat-in restaurant.


Once we had finished our order, we sat at a two top by the windows near the register so that we could watch people coming in and out and to see their reaction to the place. The reaction was pretty universal; a mix of "what do you mean you don't have fountain soda" and "how fucking hard can it be to order a sandwich" with a touch of "hey a new place!".

My wife and I sat and watched and looking over the decor while we waited and waited for our food. It was maybe their second week so we expected it to take a while. The ambiance is, well not particularly appealing unless you like eating in a cycling center. Our guess is that the owner Ralph Pfremmer is a cyclist. (Refer to an earlier post on "Ah This Is Bullshit" for our opinion on cyclists) There are pictures of dickfaces in those stupid skin-tight cycling outfits all over the place. These pictured are scattered among framed racing numbers, because you know they're artwork, and photos of mountain landscape that they got at a starving artist sale. The walls are clad in fako-stone as to give the feel of a mountain lodge I suppose, but it really just doesn't make any sense with the rest of the cycling shit. There is a fireplace in one corner with a stage set up for a two piece band, which might be nice at some point, but I hope they stick with improving the food and service first.


Speaking of the food, once it came we were overwhelmed with boredom. I had the Mt. Fuji ($6.95) which is thinly sliced house-roasted beef with red pepper, cilantro, red onion & a wasabi sauce. Its served on split baguette. My wife had the St. Helena ($6.95) a swiss, cheddar & mozzarella cheeses w/ grilled pepper sandwich, served on balsamic-rubbed baguette. Hers came with house-made chips and mine the Paradise Lake salad. My sandwich was really just a dry roast beef. The red peppers were nearly untastable and the wasabi sauce tasted like little more than mayonnaise. The cilantro and red onion were represented by a single sprig and two rings respectively. The best part of the sandwich was the bread, which was actually very good. The salad was decent but drowning in its dressing, something that I really hate. The St. Helena was equally boring and tasteless. The cheeses were ice cold so they tasted like nothing and the grilled peppers were bland and kind of oily. The bread was clearly rubbed with something as evidenced by the oily stain on the slices, but it offered little to tickle the tongue. The chips were regrettably overdone and tasted like that nasty burnt Lays that you accidentally eat when you're not looking.


Once we finished the sandwiches, which took 15 minutes to get, I orders the coffee. They pour Kaldi's coffees which are in my opinion some of the best beans in the St. Louis area, if not the best. The barista (funny word) was very competent but under supported by his fellow counter-staff. I had a brewed cup, which was good, but then again its Kaldi's coffee really al Lone Wolf did was brew it. My wife had a caramel macchiato which should have been excellent given the coffee, but it had that burnt taste that espresso takes on when it's over-expressed or burnt in the grinder. Again it was early in their run so we figured we'd come back.


And we did about three weeks later (maybe two) This time we were the only people there. It was about 4:45pm and we had the place and staff to ourselves so we expected a different experience. Instead we were met with two different counter people that didn't know the menu or how to operate the POS machine. This time I had the Marrakesh ($6.95) Harissa-grilled chicken breast with lettuce, tomato, onion, spices and yogurt sauce, served on grilled flatbread. My wife did the St. Helena again. She wanted soup because it was ass-cold out, but all they had was some kind of beef stew soup that just didn't sound appealing. I had the salad as a side again and she the chips; we're predictable like that. When I read the description of the Marrakesh my first thought was of savory spiciness and tangy yogurt sauces, the flavors of Indian and Moroccan cuisine, all held in a soft buttery naan. Instead what I got was a shitty, dried up cracker with room temperature chicken strips and lettuce. There was absolutely no spice, no seasoning, no flavor. It was so bland that I had to open it up and salt and pepper it. The flat bread was like a bad lavash that completely disintegrated when I tried to eat the sandwich ala an old Ortega Taco shell. My salad was floating in dressing again. My wife's St. Helena was a little better than the last time, but the chips tasted like they were fried in oil they'd been using since we were in last.


The best part of this second experience was that we were the only people in the restaurant for quite some time, except for a couple of guys that we know to be the owners. They didn't know that we knew, but we did. As we sat and ate these two walked around the cafe and talked to each other periodically, moved a table here or there but were definitely not busy. They were however too busy to bother to ASK THE ONLY DINERS IN THE PLACE HOW THE FOOD WAS or even say hello. Very disappointing. But the stupidest thing I have ever experienced in a cafe was when one of these dipshits took the idiot that couldn't figure out the POS when we ordered and started showing her how to fold cloth napkins AT THE TABLE RIGHT NEXT TO US. There are probably 25-30 tables in this place but the only one they could use was the little two top next to us and all the while he never looked over and asked how we were doing, ever. Total Asshole.

We did coffee again but it was the same shit they served last time, so I won't bore you with the details. The only remarkable part of the coffee this time was that it took nearly 15 minutes for the girl behind the machine to make a vanilla latte and when she handed it to me she gave a half hearted "sorry". I wasn't sure if she was sorry for the wait or for how bad the latte was.


Now again the place is new, but come on. This Ralph Pfremmer guy is supposed to be some kind of big foodie but his cafe is crap. I give it 6 months, 9 tops, unless Mr. Pfood has enough cash to pump into it and keep it open. In that case I'll give it a year, unless they (he) gets with the program.


-The Chief