Comic-Oh, Come On!

Comic-con

I'm a nerd. Let's just get that out of the way.
I write for this site. You have to be a nerd to some extent in order to contribute to this site. Unless you're Dirty Darril, he's just a vile misanthrope.

So Comic-Con was this weekend in San Diego. For those of you who don't know what Comic-Con is it's an annual convention for the comic book industry to promote the upcoming books and projects that will be coming up in the next year. It's been going on for the last 40 something years.

Of course, Hollywood has hijacked Comic-Con to promote it's new movies because they can't come up with an original good idea themselves. It seems like 70 percent of the movies coming out these days are based on comics. The rest are raping novels, old TV shows, and toys.

So, what's the big news at Comic-Con this year? What great books are coming out? Is James Cameron going to show us scenes from his movie he's taken 15 years to make? Is there an Iron Man 2 trailer? Is there really going to be a Captain America movie?

Who cares?
I just want to see the dorks in costumes!

For starters, fat people in bad costumes are always fun. Lose some weight or stick to characters that better fit your body type. i.e., Jabba the Hut, Kingpin, the Blob, or the Rancor Keeper.

Dignity? What's that?
Don't mess with this guy. He'll charge that Subway cup and hurl it at you!

I think people are going to eventually make the connection when Bruce Wayne starts showing up to board meetings wearing XXL Armani suits.

Look at that color scheme? Coincidence? FedEx Kinko's has a new spokesman: Fat Skeletor!

OK. I get it. Tiny from Battle of the Planets. I'm pretty sure he didn't wear flip-flops though.
Keyop may have. But I'm pretty sure that dude was retarded.

I'm not going to make fun of the chubby chick dressed as Silk Spectre with the digital watch. Or Juan Valdez as The Comedian. WTF is going on with Rorschach's mask? Is that a dirty napkin? Fuck. F for effort.

God damn it! We Star Wars fans have it hard enough. Do we really have to have these douche-bags hanging around?
The worst part? That dude has piercings.

Why is the Joker holding a lightsaber?
Oh, and Jamal, get some contacts.

Use the force...
to file my taxes.

Everyone knows that the Jedi had a great Optical insurance plan.
Why do so many Jedi at the convention have glasses?
They spent $100+ on their Force-FX Lightsabers.

Not to leave out the Star Trek dorks. Let's wrap a codpiece on your head, put on BMX padding (size: child) and glue the guts of your Texas Instruments calculator to your chest. Oh, and the knee-pads? ASSimilate. Resistance is futile.

-Darth

Plop Plop Fizz Fizz - A Review of Alka Seltzer

I worked at 7-11, the midnight shift. Sometimes there would be hours that i did not see a single soul. So I did what any 19 year old male would do. I looked at the porn mags. So I'm reading Penthouse Forum one night about how to please your woman in extraordinary ways.
Wow! I think the man who wrote this article is a genius when I run across the Alka-Seltzer move.

If you really want to turn your woman on take a tablet of Alka-Seltzer, the yellow box that contains no aspirin so as not to irritate the vaginal walls. (not that the vaginal walls don't cause the world enough irritation, but that's next week) Insert into the vagina while you're into your foreplay time.



So I am with my girlfriend and we are becoming heated. We are 19 remember, so I am going to show her I am the man. After some heavy petting and lots of sweat and saliva I insert this tablet into her. Waiting for the expected oooo's and ahhh's and you are the man god above god's the fizz from the tablet takes over and like a gigantic erupting creampie that has been catapulted from within her.

*pfffpffpffpffpffpfffpfffffpffffff*

I explode into gut wrenching laughter as her pussy lips start to flutter back and forth while emitting the loudest burst of pussy air ever built up. (later in life I found a new meaning of "air", but that might be a later story) Her lips keep fluttering like a butterfly's wings after sitting on a big rock of meth, except this butterfly is becoming a fountain of fluid and bubbles.

To the horror of my rib cage, the laughing grew harder as i saw the foamy bubbles spewing from her twat like the time Peter put to much soap in the washing machine on the Brady Bunch. This got increasingly worse with sounds so funny Howard Stern would kill to have them for sound bytes. It slowly fizzes out to become this melting bubbly oozing stream of bubbles running down her thigh and into the crack of her ass.

She is not finding this even close to funny. Matter of fact, the more I laughed, the more she cried. Which in return, the more she cried, the more I laughed.

This actually led to me not getting any pussy that night, or that weekend.

So I'm sitting back at work reading Penthouse Forum again and the follow up to what i had previously read says "be sure to only use 1/4 of a tablet, due to over gas expulsion".

I had to buy flowers and say those words......

I'm sorry baby, but it was funny right?

Doghouse again.

--- Dirty Darril

Some "New", "Old" Found Fancies

One day, some months back, I was researching some new and different audio software, and I came across this link to a website that piqued my interest. It was, (here for your perusal), fascinating, humorous-as-shit, and had a Stick-it-to-the-Man attitude about it. http://goodblimey.com/tunes

Well this got Ole' Angry's creative gerbils whirling around in their wheels so fast the second gerbil just gave up and fell limp, letting the other whiz it around like a fresh cadaver! The interesting aspect, is that somehow my mind reacted as if this were the first time I had heard this sort of thing. Which was totally fallacious! Negativland, The Evolution Control Committee, The Bran Flakes, and People Like Us (to name a few) were all "bands", I use that term extremely loosly, I had been listening to for years! I'll get into that later. I guess the thing that was so much different about the audio available on this site, was I don't recall hearing music done in this way before. I know Hip-Hop/Rap, Industrial, fuck! even some Rock has used sampling! This is different though! Check it out! I guarantee you will find something of interest there. If you like it enough, well he even gives you the info you need to save a file for later listening pleasure! Or to piss off the boss/wife/kids.

So this got my imagination sent into overdrive and I spent the next 56 gazillion hours, not only finding other websites (which I will list), but researching software and gear to be able to pursue this new found hobby. I'm sure my wife was as pleased as punch.

This leads me into the Sociopolitical aspect of all of this!! I'm viewing things that give me a modicum of power over the MegaGlobalCorp's; To be able to fight back insubversive ways, even if it's infinitesimally small!! I know!! Not enough FUCKS, and BRAINS BLEEDING THROUGH PORES you're used to from Angry... Even I have sanguine moments.... This is one of them.

The deeper I dug, the more I was like "Shit Ya'. This is what I need to be doing!" There are groups of people out there that do something called "Droplifting". They make these CD's, mixing and mashing, sound-scaping, etc. from 'found' sources, rip-offs, you name it! They then package this stuff and go to the "Big Box" record stores and put, or drop-lift, their merchandise into the "popular" section! Fucking brilliant!! One can imagine all of the scenarios! Here's the link to that if interested in becoming involved or just want to do some internet rubber-necking.

http://www.droplift.org/

The Coup de Grace, the fucking Rosetta Stone for all things Recycled Culture, or Social engineering, or just plain being a crafty bastard is this site! USE WISELY ;-)

http://www.detritus.net/

I don't know if that was ULTRA enough for you, but I will give it the 23rd chromosome missing,

super-swank mongoloid: 12 FINGERS UP!!

Oh!! Also check out Plunderphonics at: http://www.plunderphonics.com/

P.S. I know I said I'd get into the whole Negative Land, E.C.C., thing but I've done enough for one day!! Google 'em!! Or better yet. Use http://www.ixquick.com/. Or some other anonymous

metasearch site. Google is another name for spy/purveyor of info on YOU to sell to others, including any of that 'old' archived email sitting in your Gmail acct. Ever wonder why your storage space keeps growing and growing?! That's another rant for a different day.

LATER, AnGRy BraDy