Is There a Cardiologist in the House?

So my wife totally f#cked up dinner.
It's an unseasonable chilly day in April and my wife and I are discussing what we're going to have for dinner. She's at the store. I'm still at work.
Chili.
What sounds better than that? Chili with Fritos, cheese and diced onions. What a perfect comfort food for a dreary day. Something to look forward to.
15 minutes from home I get the call.
No chili. She swore we had plenty at home so she didn't buy any. She got home to find ONE can. Turkey Chili. So she tells me she made it, added some more beans and tomato sauce and I'm not going to like it.
Long story short. I'm disappointed. I'm not eating that sh!t so we go out.

KFC sounds good. So we go to KFC (Formerly known as Kentucky Fried Chicken because "Fried" has become a bad word).
On our way in my wife points out the newest sensation: The Double Down. She goads me to try one. If it's horrible I can write about it to the idiots who peruse this site.
For those of you who don't know what the Double Down is here you go:


Here's how KFC describes it:
"The new KFC Double Down sandwich is real! This one-of-a-kind sandwich features two thick and juicy boneless white meat chicken filets (Original Recipe® or Grilled), two pieces of bacon, two melted slices of Monterey Jack and pepper jack cheese and Colonel's Sauce. This product is so meaty, there’s no room for a bun! The Double Down comes in two versions – Original Recipe® or Grilled and the nutrition information is below."
CALORIES: 540 FAT (g) 32 SODIUM (mg) 1380

I opt for the Original Recipe version. What the hell...
So I get the "sandwich" and open the box (they conceal it so that you can't see the monster that it is at the counter) and there it is. It's exactly as they describe it. I pick it up take a bite as my wife is grinning and...
it's not that bad. It's what you expect it to be. I take a drink of my Dr. Pepper to wash down the first bite.
So we start eating "dinner" and talk about the day's events and her dork of a boss and I realize I've had three bites and my soda is empty. I've had to drink the whole thing to wash this cumbersome mess down.

Refill drink, attempt to finish "food." I get about half way through this thing and I have to wipe off all of the Colonel's Sauce and I've removed the bacon and cheese. I eat one so-called bun and throw away the rest.

I'm not sure why I ate this f*cking thing but I regret it. I've been eating fairly healthy for the majority of 2010 and I've just consumed over half my calories and ALL of my fat for the day.

Good thing I'm not tracking sodium.

Looks like I need to put in 10 miles on the treadmill.
Right. I'll do that as soon as I get out of the bathroom.


Don't eat this thing. Even if double dares you to double down!
- Darth

Louis Letterier Raped My Childhood (A Clash of the Titans Review)

It's been a while since we've done a movie review. This means either we haven't been to the movies much or we've had pretty good luck with seeing good movies. This all ends after seeing Clash of the Titans.

Let's start off with me pointing out that I thought the original from 1980 was a great film. It was perhaps the last movie to depend on stop-motion and was the last Ray Harryhausen film. For those of you who don't know who Ray Harryhausen is, he was responsible for such classics as Jason and the Argonauts, Mighty Joe Young, Mysterious Island and the Sinbad movies.

Now, does the original stand up to the test of time? Sure, it's outdated but it had some charm to it. This update doesn't. I'm sure some of you will disagree, but you know what? You're idiots. I'm sure you're going to say how great and realistic the special effects are but really, they're just more of that over-CG'd bullshit. But I digress.

PLOT
Let's talk plot. The plot in this new version barely resembles the original. The character names are the same but they are mixed throughout the film and have different relations to each other than the original. Of course, Perseus is here, Andromeda, Cassiopeia, Pegasus, Medusa. The Gods are present: Zeus, Poseidon, Hades. Wait. Hades? Hades wasn't in the first one. Is this a bad thing? Yeah. It's the shittiest plot point in the film.

CAST

Guess who plays Hades? Voldemort. I mean Ralph Fiennes. But in this movie he gets to have hair and a nose. Totally unnecessary character in the film. I guess the director had the same coupon that Speilberg had for Schindler's List and Ralph Fiennes just came with Liam Neeson.
Speaking of Mr. Neeson. He's too recognizable to play Zeus. The entire time I was thinking "Liam Neeson needs a paycheck." Did he not have life insurance on his wife?
(low. I know even for me.)

Sam Worthington. Why does everyone think this guy is the next big thing? He was OK in Avatar, but really? Did he make the movie? No. The blue people, monsters and 3D did.
In Clash of the Titans he barely masks his atrocious Australian accent. He even had the same haircut he had in Avatar and Terminator: Salvation. Maybe this guy awesome like everyone says but I don't see it. McLovin' could have done a better job.

The other actors were just as replaceable. Granted the chick playing Andromeda was attractive but they weren't anywhere near as hot as the original actress. Maybe I'm just partial to the original actress because she was the first naked woman I ever saw at the age of ten.

A new character they added is Io, played by Gemma Arterton. She acts as the guide and is somewhat obnoxious. Not by her presence or lines but by her voice. This has to be one of the worst overdubs in film history. You shouldn't be able to tell that an actor re-records lines in a studio after everything is shot. Obvious.

All the other actors suck. Not worth mentioning.

THE 3D
Don't waste your time. The 2 minute preview of Step It Up 3D had more impressive 3D effects than this entire film. You could tell that the 3D was an afterthought because it was just lame. I want my extra $4.00 back. The movie was supposed to come out over a month ago but they saw the success of Avatar and thought they would jump on the bandwagon. There were probably a few cool 3D shots but I can't remember them. I do remember that the front of Liam Neeson's head was in 3D. Terrible.

THE CREATURES
Ok. This movie has a better Kraken. Of course you know that already because it was way overexposed in every trailer and commercial. It was a major selling point.

Pegasus was black and lame. In the original Perseus had to capture the horse and break it. In this he just walks up to it and pets it in the woods, it flies off to return when Perseus needs a ride towards the end of the film. Shocker. Pegasus is basically the token black character in the film. Off set it wears those lame Kanye shades.

The Stygian witches are grosser of course. They look more alien than witchy.
Charon the Boatman was kinda cool but not as creepy as the original "skeleton in a robe."
Hey Hollywood, do you have to overdesign everything?

Calibos is a very minor character. Could have skipped him altogether. In the original he was a major player who you hated but pitied. In this version if you blinked you didn't even know where he came from.

The Giant Scorpions were pretty cool but when the fight scene was going on you could barely tell what was going on. This is another shitty trend that Hollywood has taken on. Fight scenes that happen really close up so that you can't really tell what's happening. Gladiator was one the first movies to do this. Crappy action. Zoom out!

Finally, there's Medusa. I'm torn on this one. The new version was pretty cool. But of course it was way obvious that she was CG. Did the special effects guys even try to make her look real? She was similar to the original but she only turned ugly when she gazed at you and turned you to stone. That's fine. The Medusa scene was probably the highlight of the movie. But again, the original scene when they confront her in her lair is way more intimidating.

Good news though, Bubo the Owl did manage to make an appearance in the 2010 remake. Here's the scene:
Our heroes are equipping themselves to go on their quest. As they begin to leave Perseus hears hooting and clicking coming from the a trunk. He opens it and pulls out the mechanical owl who is perched on a branch. Perseus asks the leader, "What's this?" The leader replies, "Nothing. Leave it." Perseus drops it back in the trunk and leaves.
Louis Letterier (the director) to Ray Harryhausen: "Fuck you Ray, it's my movie now."

Don't bother. It sucked.

- DARTH

Bad iPhone Games, A Review

If any of you out there own an iPhone, I'm sure that you have had your dealings with some of the quintuple-zillion games that can be had for a good waste of time. I've run across my share of many a stench-filled game. Most are free, some are not, which really gets my goat; spending one scintilla of a dime on worthless tripe thats usually just plain poorly coded. The one that's sticking in my craw at the moment is an insidious beast of a game that, I'm ashamed to admit, has been an obsession off and on over the last 6-9 months, with a 4-5 month hiatus from it for the very reasons I write this now, ONLY MUCH WORSE THAN IT WAS BEFORE!! The publisher still says Miraphonic, though I believe someone else has bought them out. It still gets billed as one of the more popular free games out there. Boy has it gotten super duper lame-o since I decided to download it again, even though I told myself before NEVER AGAIN!! That game would be none other than Epic Pet Wars... I know, I know... Brady prolly plays Super Steppin' out, Shuck-n-Jive, Ultro-Fab, Night at the Mall Barbie! Nope. Only this sorry piece of shit... My only 14 year old, wanna-be, used-to-be pleasure. I can emphatically say at this point it is an infatuation whose load is fully blown. Before I get into it, I fully understand it is FREE; so is Ebola!!

The level of incompetence that seems to still permeate this app is past the point of humorous or even just annoying. It is a constant, over-arching theme!! It is supreme sloppiness and ass-holery all rolled into one steaming piece of ultra-copro-stench!! More times than not I will attempt to train my animal only to never reach a point that would indicate I have no exp. left or money gained. Often in the middle of a fight there will come a point that I win only to be shown that hit points are left and errors abound!! Anyway, that's enough taps of the keyboard wasted on this abysmal piece of donkey dung!!
MORAL----STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM THIS WASTE OF CHARGE CYCLES ON YOUR PHONE!! YOU'LL KICK YOURSELF IF YOU DON'T....
Picture included is merely one of the many surprises that awaits the unsuspecting oaf looking for a free way to while away the time.
ANGRY BRADY

It's Miley!!!

Ok. So Miley Cyrus was the "mentor" on American Idol tonight.

Why?

I'm not going to deny that she is a talented young girl but really, couldn't she be replaced with any one of many photogenic, somewhat coordinated American girls who can sing?
Miley Cyrus is a shitty trend that has taken hold of pop culture all the way back to the emergence of Britney Fucking Spears.
A lot can happen in ten years. I'm sure, if I really thought about it, I could come up with examples that go even further back than Britney's "Oh baby baby" bullshit.

Here's what I think. Every time that some cute teen gets a hit record ANY cute teen could have done it. I'm sure you idiots really like the "artist" performing the hit song but know this: you would have heard the song anyway. It would have just been sung by someone else. They didn't write it. All of these songs are written by the same 15 people anyway.
Miley recorded it because her daddy has been spending his achey-breaky money for the last 17 years in an effort to get his little girl to be a star.
But really, is he that different from most of the fathers out there in the world who want to make Daddy's Little Princess's dreams come true? Puke.

Back to the Idol crap.

Let's get rid of the whole mentoring segment on Idol. The only reason they're on there is so that they can whore themselves out for whatever record or TV show they need the idiot public to spend their money on. It's rare that they get someone on there that's worth a shit. Even when they get someone who is established they just get on there and embarrass themselves like Elton John or Andrew Lloyd Weber. Hell, Quentin Tarantino made more sense.

I guess it could have been worse, they could have had Kanye mentoring.
Have I mentioned that I hate that guy?

-Darth

Help Us Zombi Reagan, You're Our Only Hope!!-less... (REAL REVIEW)

I haven't posted in some time, other than to say I hadn't been posting in some time, but in perusing the App's store it was suggested by Genius (part of the App's store) that I may like this app...

Firstly, I lived all of the Reagan Era and was none too impressed by Bedtime for Bonzo's twin partner in crime. People really seem to have a short memory, sorry Ronnie, pun intended! Where should I start??

Well let's see, the busting of the Air Traffic Controllers Union, I know don't start federal law prohibits government workers from striking, blah, blah, blah! The social impact was the target here. 11,000 plus workers---GONE a big thumbs down to unions and both thumbs up for business.

Reaganomics, a term that still haunts us to this day! While the promise of low taxes hits the average Pepsi-swillin', McDonald's eatin', American squarely in the pleasure centers of his/her monobrowed brain-case; that policy did very little for most middle class people. The military budget was raised higher that any other peace time Prez, 30%+ higher!! His policies toward Social Security, Medicare, Medicaid, and food stamps, were so profound that many elderly were eating canned dog food cause they couldn't afford med's, etc. At the same time all budgets that may have had an air of coffee house hangin', art fag-ish, crystal waving, incense burnin', liberalism were sent to the budgetary shitter!! Things as wacky as, federal education programs and the EPA to name a few!! All of this to eventually grab the American people the largest known deficit in history at that time, 3 trillion dollars!!!

While many people argue that it's a good thing the stance he took on Communism, the so called Reagan Doctrine was a very mixed blessing, if one were to call it that. "To provide overt and covert aid to anti-communist resistance movements in an effort to rollback the Soviets and governments with their backing." The biggest baddest piece of under-handed law breaking bullshit was the Iran Contra affair!! This is one of the biggest pieces of chicanery in our American history! Do you know how many people went to jail over that shit?!? High Treason I tell ya!! Does anybody know how many very poor south American countries he help to utterly decimate?!
How about "The War On Drugs"?!?!? This has got to be, and backed by statistics, the biggest waste of time and tax-payer money ever!! Well, second probably to our never-ending war in Iraq, when I think about it. Tell me one good thing the War on Drugs produced!! I can tell the reader of some. Millions of nonviolent offenders being taught how to very violent! Millions of kids growing up in broken homes, which compounds the situation! Assets that get seized that go into voluminous coffers to which you or I get to see none of, or know what gets done with! That's just to name a few.
Oh one good thing... I guess we all got to understand exactly what Alzheimer's disease is!
But I digress.
This is a review of an app. It's an app about a president that just wants to gloat about who "King Ronnie Raygun" was. BORING!!! ZERO stars.
Oh yeah anybody remember the Star Wars program?? That was sockin' money down a rabbit hole for ya'!!

Angry Brady

Mardi Gross

Every now and then I must venture out of my secret hidden base and mingle amongst the plebeians of society. This provides a great cover to those who I wish not to know my world domination plans.
I did this very thing on February 13th. Met at friend's house at 8:30a.m., followed them to their friend's house in Soulard. Made beignet's, drank mimosas and bloody marys, mingled.
At approximately 11:15 we decide to venture out and check out the festivities, hurricanes in hand. We get about 500 feet from the house and I capture this Mardi Gras magic:

It's 11:20 in the morning.

For those of you who are not local to St. Louis I'll fill you in on the Soulard Mardi Gras. It's the second biggest Mardi Gras celebration in the world. Second only to New Orleans. Like most people (including the people who attend) you probably don't even know what they're celebrating.I could do a bunch of research but I'm lazy. I think it has something to do with that Lent BS and everyone does it up the weekend before Lent and Fat Tuesday happens the day before Ash Wednesday and blah blah blah who cares.

Anyway, Soulard Mardi Gras is pretty gigantic and it seems to be growing exponentially every year.
It is the ultimate amateur hour. I would say the average age of those attending is probably between 20-30 with the occasional 30-50 year-old sprinkled about. AND of course you have your 50+ crowd who should not be there. Really, anyone with any sense should not be there. It is ridiculous.
Unless of course, you enjoy public intoxication, really loud morons puking everywhere and passing out. If this is your thing have at it.
The only thing that is not a drawback are the titties. They are usually popping out left and right for beads or just because the crowd demands it. This was not as prevalent this year because of the 30 degree weather. Which begged me to ask the question: What's the point?

Despite the gigantic, ever-growing crowd this year. The arrests and citations were somewhat minimal:
* 68 Minors in Possession of Alcohol
* 17 Urinating in Public
* 12 False Identification
* 4 DUI's
* 4 Supplying Alcohol to Minor
* 3 General Peace Disturbance
* 2 Resisting Arrest
* 2 Assault on a Law Enforcement Officer (an officer was punched and an officer was spit on while attempting to take a man into custody)
* 1 Selling Liquor without a License
* 1 3rd Degree Assault (a man got into a fight with a friend and punched him)
* 1 Property Damage (a man got into a fight at a friend's Soulard home and damaged a window at the home)
* 1 Marijuana Possession

Pretty tame if you ask me. What does the above list tell you? There weren't that many cops there.

My advice: If you want to celebrate Mardi Gras have your own party. Invite your friends over. Get everyone stupid drunk. At least make sure some of them are going to get their titties out. Then have them get the fuck out of your house when you're sick of them. (Call a cab of course.)


-Darth

Superbowl Half Time Show Sucked, I Told You It Would

Did you catch the 12 minutes of god-awful full force suck-tude that the Who perpetrated during the Superbowl Half Time Show? If not let me lay it out for you.

1. Roger Daltrey can't sing. Not a friggin' note! He screamed 80% of the crap he "sang". He's too old and his voice is shot I guess, though I'm not sure if he ever could sing.
2. Pete Townsend is just plain creepy looking. Personally his guitar playing has never been my thing, but now he's so "creepy old man" looking that all I could do was look at him and think, what the hell is that old pedophile doing on stage?
3. The laser light show that was going on was very high-tech, if today was February 8, 1990.
4. These songs (Pinball Wizard, Baba O'Reilly, Won't Get Fooled Again) are so dated. Pinball Wizard? I'll bet half the people watching the game have never played pinball.
5. These guys are old. Really old and they came off kind of sad. I'm not sure how the Stones do it, but the Who doesn't.

At least the NFL didn't actually pay the Who for their performance, they did it for free. Not sure why, maybe they had a crystal ball and saw how bad they were going to be.


Now the Half Time Show also includes the think-necked mental Special Olympics where the four commentators, James Brown, Dan Marino, Bill Cowher, Shannon Sharpe and Boomer Esiason all talk over each other, trying as hard as possible to get air-time and to get in a stupid pun or bad analogue. 


This year they had Shannon Sharpe who must have had a bag of marbles in his mouth. He was almost unintelligible. Since I'm not in the television production business I'm not certain but, I would think it might be helpful to listen to  the commentators talk before you actually put them on TV.


Overall the half time show was just what I expected, Sh!T. Just like every other year. You'd think the NFL could pull this thing together for once.


Good game though. I was thrilled to see the face of Payton Manning in complete disgust, near tears. I love it when the pedestal is knocked out from underneath the celebrated.


With all due respect,
The Chief

The iPad

Well, I'm not the kind to do a lot of dissin' on Apple, but I must say that the release of the iPad to the public was a major disappointment! Apple has done a lot of innovating in the last decade, shit for that matter most of it's existence! This thing, as released is a TURD!! I shall count the ways...
1. No camera! WTF!? That means no video chats or conferences, no photo taking, no video taking, NADA!
2. No app multi-tasking. With a processor this fast it's a waste of resources not to take advantage of that! I'm using X app and want to listen to say Pandora... NOPE! No can to dummy!
3. No true 1080p HD. When you want to watch a movie that's say filmed in 2.35:1, which a lot more theatrical releases are nowadays, you're only gonna take up about half the screen in portrait mode!! BUMMER!
4. No selection of other data carriers. I personally haven't had one problem with AT&T( and I even moved across the country with my first gen, nary a blip in service, except in mountains which I'd expect). I, on the other hand, just in principal don't like seeing any of the cell providers get too big or get a lock on anything!!
FUCK EM!! This is possibly the biggest faux pas on Apple's behalf! A lot of other humans HATE AT&T!!
5. No tactile feedback or more complex Gestures, as can be had on say, the newer MacBooks! Shit! Those even have 3 and 4 finger Gesture support!! LAME!
6. This is just a personal gripe of mine... FUCK E-BOOKS!!! Fuck em all to Hell!! Gearing us up for 

Fahrenheit 451 and shit!! I'd much rather have the ground up, chain sawn down, ozone depleting real thing in my hands! Ever see the e-book selections out there???!!! Hope you like reading the same shit as most everyone else!!

I realize this is merely the opening salvo from Apple, but if'n they don't get their shit together on the next version, it'll be considered a dumb move from many!!

The Price point ain't too bad considering 

it's an APPLE product... At least they got 

that ehhh??

Sorry Apple I still think you got the best products out there. just don't fuck this one up any more than you have.

That's my 6 cents.

AnGRy bRaDY

Real Review - Legion: What A F-ing Waste!

Legion
Directed by Scott Stewart
Written by Peter Schink and Scott Stewart

WorldFullofIdiots Rating:

Saturday my wife and I went to the movies. The plan was to see Daybreakers, the latest vampire movies. It looked good, but apparently its not. Its been out only a few weeks and its already down to one show, at 10pm on the smallest screen in the theater.

So we went for my next choice, another movie that during the trailer I remember saying, "oh fuck that looks goood," Legion.

The plot basics of this movie are nothing new, its about Judgement Day or Armagedeon, or whatever name (insert name of religion here) calls the end of the world at god's hand. The twist this time is that god is mad at us, and decides that he isn't going to put up with any more of our bullshit so he send a legion of angels to earth to kill us all. The crazy thing is that the angels possess our bodies and turn us into evil, flesh eating zombies.

I'm not sure but I think angel-possesion-induced-flesh eating-zombieism is mentioned in Leviticus.

Anyway the deal is that the angels are to wipe us out, buuuuut, god missed something. He didn't remember that this trailer trash little whore in the desert of New Mexico somewhere, is pregnant with what is eluded to be never called the Second Coming.

It's weird that omniscient God missed this. Seemed obvious enough to me within the first 10 minute.

Ok maybe the first 5 minutes.

So he send the Archangel Michael down to kill the mother or the baby or something. Its never really spelled out because before we know what is is supposed to do, we discover that he's not going to do it.

So far, pretty cool. Michael is some dude I've never seen before but he reminds me of whatever that guy's name is that play James Bond now and he seems to be capable of ass kicking.

The movie dissolves to a scene out in the aforementioned desert where the pregnant girl is working as a waitress in a shitty little diner owned by Dennis Quaid. The first and only scary scene in the movies occurs here and you've already seen it. The one with the demon-old lady? Yep that one and its pretty cool, but I had already seen it, for free, in the trailer. Kind of like when you used to by a CD for 14 bucks to later realize the only good song is on the radio, for free.

After this scene the movie begins to suffer from EXTREMELY poor editing. There's a bit where everyone is in a truck trying to get the victim of the old lady to a hospital. They're driving like mad across the desert straight in to a plague of flies. Next scene everyone is back at the diner, like the last 5 minutes never happened, leaving me wondering "how did they get back and who is the shit head that edited this movie?"

Editing is obvious throughout the movie, something that good editing should never be leaving you with several instances asking what just happened. Steven Kemper and the director Scott Stewart need to go back to film school and retake The Art and Craft of Film Editing. UCLA is offering it this spring through their extension campus.

The remainder of the film suffers from overwriting. Each of the characters that are in the diner at the beginning of the movie are given a sappy soliloquy about the tragic life, to the point that you hope the angel-possesion-induced-flesh eating-zombies come and eat them all and get it over with. I think the most memorable line is one delivered by Charles S Dutton playing Percy Walker the amputee fry cook. He tells us that when he was a little boy his daddy used to sit with him before he fell asleep and would ask him if he died in his sleep tonight, would he beproud of what he had done in his life so far, because if not he needs to get square. Or something like that.

At this I turned to my wife and asked, "who the fuck says that to a little kid right before he goes to bed?"

The movie's action and plot follow along a highly predictable formula; tough guy Michael, fights God's other right hand man Gabriel to the finish, saving the trampy waitress and her unborn baby, the diner owners semi-retarded son ends up with the waitress and all the angel/zombies go away and everything is fine.

I guess there is very little originality anymore, and even less in biblical fiction, but come on this was the best they could come up with?

All in all the movies gets a one ass-fist out of five, which means it sucked.

The Chief

Zombies: Way Cooler Than Vampires

"How many hours are in a day when you don't spend half of them watching television?
When is the last time any of us REALLY worked to get something that we wanted?
How long has it been since any of us really NEEDED something that we WANTED?
The world of commerce and frivolous necessity has been replaced by a world of survival and responsibility.
An epidemic of apocalyptic proportions has swept the globe casing the dead to rise and feed on the living.
In a matter of months society has crumbled, no government, no grocery stores, no mail delivery, no cable TV.
In a world ruled by the dead, we are forced to finally start living."


This is the text that appears on the back of every collected volume of The Walking Dead. I challenge you to find a better written book series out there. Far better written than that Twilight crap for 12-year-olds and more suspenseful and engaging than Charlaine Harris' "True Blood" books that seem to be written BY a 12-year-old. The funny thing is, it's not even a novel. It's a monthly B&W comic book.
It is by far, the best thing out there in literature. Yes. Literature.
Now, I'm not going to go into the argument of of great comic books are and how they're under-appreciated blah blah blah. It's all been done. Instead I'm going to give a quick breakdown of the premise of this great book in the hopes that you literary snobs out there will pick up an issue and get hooked.

Officer Rick Grimes is shot on the job. He wakes up from a coma in a hospital months later to find the staff gone and zombies roaming the halls. He sets off to find his wife and son. On his journey he runs into a variety of survivors and forms a group that struggle to stay alive while fighting off the dead, the elements and lack of food. They find that the most dangerous obstacle out there is not the dead but the living.
Not everyone is going to make it and you never know when your favorite character is going to bite the dust. There are constant WTF moments in the book. I have, on occasion, put the book down in disbelief at what just happened. Whether it's a major character getting bit by a zombie, someone getting their hand cut off or some atrocity being committed by people who exist in a world where there is complete anarchy. You will also witness the slow disintegration of a character's decency and sanity while you ask yourself what you would do in the same situation.

The book really pulls you in and gets you involved with the characters, good or bad, and what their fate will be. It's not just the great writing of Robert Kirkman but also the superb, minimalistic art of Charlie Adlard and Cliff Rathburn. Together they are master storytellers who aptly convey the desperation and fear in each character while they drive the story with great panels and a splash page here and there which blows you away with each little reveal.

Right now AMC has ordered a pilot for The Walking Dead TV series. It will swing into production in a couple months. Normally I'd be worried about something that I love so much getting the hollywood treatment but Kirkman will be producing along with Frank Darabont. Frank Darabont is the only guy to successfully adapt Stephen King onto the big screen with The Shawshank Redemption, The Green Mile and The Mist.

Let's face it folks, the majority of great movies out there these days are pulled from the comic book genre. Maybe it's because Hollywood has finally figured out how to do it right along with the fact that they are running out of good ideas. I'm perfectly fine with that. If they can pull off The Watchmen, Iron Man and 300 there's hope. We just can't forget travesties like League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, Constantine, Judge Dread, Batman & Robin and Superman III and IV.
So pick up The Walking Dead. It's available in Trade Paperback format, which is how I read it. They collect 6 issues in every trade. Right now it is up to Volume 11. Each trade will run you about 15 bucks. Well worth it. They are readily available at any Barnes and Noble or Borders or better yet, your local comic book store. My only advice: Try to spread them out. I read the first 8 trades over a 4 month period. Now I have to wait 3-4 months for each issue. It's a bit torchoreous.

Turn off your TV and read a book you idiots. It doesn't matter if it has pictures in it. It still counts.


- Darth

Yet Another Piece of Shit Company

In my attempt to expand my home music producing abilities, I purchased the M-Audio w/Pro Tools production suite, a.k.a. Fast Track. I distinctly remember asking the sales person if it was compatible with OS 10.6.2. The reply was YES. 
Off I was to the homestead to configure my new tool. This was a really great deal being that it had Pro Tools bundled, albeit a scaled down version for $99. Following each instruction, I eagerly installed the drivers and configured the hardware. The last step at hand was to install the Pro Tools suite. Insert the disk I did only to wait 45 minutes while the Goddamn load bar stalled at 95%. After an hour and 15 minutes... I get a message from my OS stating that the install failed and to contact the manufacturer. FUCK!
I went to M-Audio's website where I was informed that if I even remotely wanted help, I would have to register my software. ????????? Let's see here, register something I can't even get installed in the first fucking place!! That's classic! 
All of this to ultimately have a stripped down version of ProTools anyway!! 
So, after utilizing all of my options that stood before me, I decide to call M-Audio's tech support, which I wouldn't be able to do unless I had registered the fucking thing I can't use to begin with. I dial the number which just so happens to be some area code I had no knowledge of. Yes!!! Not even a 1-800 number! It was bothersome, but I have some 8000 plus minutes banked and figured what the Hell. As long as I get this resolved I can deal with a few lost cell minutes. And  NO I don't have a land line, so don't go there. I had 45  minutes before I had to pick the wife up from work, being it that I had the day off. Thirty minutes pass, and I listen to neo-techno Muzak! Real Horror Show! I have to go!!! I hop in the car and drive the 15 miles to my woman's work, she gets in and we start heading home. All the while, still on hold! Half way back to the house, dude gets on the line and sounds ever so happy to be working for M-Audio. I tell him my plight, in turn he tells me,"well sir, our site tells you that that particular piece of hardware isn't yet compatible with OS 10.6.2. But if I'd be patient an update should be forthcoming." When? I ask. He didn't know...... S.O.L. I exclaim that that is bullshit and unless you really want to sit down and search their website for an hour to find out it is not compatible with my OS, is really poor customer support and relations.
The long and short of this review and story is, in my humble opinion, DON'T BUY SHIT FROM M-AUDIO!!! Unless you appreciate being treated like a piece of human rubbish!! Die a quick death M-Audio or work like Hell on your customer support!!!

Good Riddance Christmas!

I don't know about you but I am thrilled that the holidays are finally over.
I'm certainly no Scrooge but, really, I'm glad that sh*t is over.
Why?
The reasons are too numerous and we've covered a few of them already. Namely, peoples' lame-ass inflatable yard decorations and lights.
Here's a few others.

Christmas Cards.
OK folks. Only send these if they are a regular Christmas card that has a short, personalized inscription.
DO NOT send Christmas cards that are just a lame picture of your kids.I was over at a friend's house and noticed the abundance of tacky Christmas cards. There's your typical family portrait ones. That's OK. No big deal. But guess what? I don't want to see pictures of just your kids on the front. If they're my relatives. Barely appropriate.
My beef is when you send a pretentious POS card that has photos of your kids engaged in polo, football or swimming. WHO CARES? Face it; no one likes your kids as much as you do.
These are very typical "Look-At-Me" people.
And don't send Christmas letters. Get on Facebook and update people that way, you narcissist.

Cookie Parties.
Don't do these anymore. A group of wives will bake cookies and get together and trade them off. No one ever makes them as good as you. If there was a guy version of this and the dudes brought beer you would be the one bringing the fancy imported sh*t and everyone else would bring Miller Light and PBR.
I take it back. Men respect each other more than that.

Gifts.
Admit it. Your gifts suck every year since you've been a grown-up/parent. As much thought that your spouse or kids FEEL they have put into your gift it will NEVER come close to the AT-AT your parents (Santa) got you when you were 9.

Politically Correct "Happy Holidays" Crap
It's Christmas, people. I'm far from being a christian but I agree that the season needs to be called Christmas. I'm not offended if the checkout person says "Merry Christmas." Anyone who doesn't recognize this as Christmas just stay home. Screw Kwanzaa and Hanukkah. Those are separate, and let's face it, one is just made up.I'm sure I'll expand this list next Christmas. After all, I'm getting more negative and crotchety in my old age.

'til next time, you whipper-snappers!

-Darth

Christmas Lights - The Lame, The Tacky and The Just Plain Creepy

Last night my family and I drove around our general area to enjoy the local Christmas light displays. This is something that we do every year, at least a couple times, while typically eating some ice cream. Why ice cream and Christmas lights? I don't know, why not?

Most of our time is spent singing made up lyrics to the Christmas songs that are playing on the radio like "Jingle balls, jingle balls, jingle all the way, oh what pain it is to go with them left loose to sway-ay!", and making fun of people stupid inflatable shit.

Since my kids are pretty snarky like me, fun is had by all. Even though my wife doesn't make funny of anyone herself, she does appreciate our humor.

Our favorite display style to make fun of is those which contain more than one inflatable or animatronic. Usually people that have more than one of either have multiples of both, which creates a sort of creepy scifi Christmas at the droid factory / Christmas in the land of misfit toys look.

I know people put this shit in their yard to entertain their kids, but it does spread joy to guys like me as well. The joy of making fun of what a mockery they have turned Christmas into. Just how many semi-inflated snowmen and robotic Rudolfs do you need to get into Heaven anyway Jesus?

Most people put lights in their trees, around their bushes, their front doors, maybe down the drive way like some kind of fucking landing strip (which I totally don't get; probably the same people who as kids drew stick figures). Some folks do blinking lights and icicle lights on the house and eaves, but some people just have no taste.

At all.

Like the ass-wipe that puts five different colors of lights all over his yard then uses net lights on the bushes to get that whole "fish net Christmas" thing and finishes it off with the creepy three candles with the orange flames in the windows. You know the ones that they USED to sell in the 70's, that they must have either kept when their grandmother passed away or bought at a garage sale.

Or the people that run three strands of multi-colored lights around on goddamn straggly ass tree in their yard, in front of their 8,000 square foot three story. Come on douche, like you could afford another box of lights?

But aside from the tacky and creepy there are two displays that I totally want to get out and knock over. The first is the manger scene. I don't care that Christmas is supposed to be about the birth of Jesus. Especially since he wasn't born in December anyway. The manger is creepy. Bunch of fucking bearded dudes with hooks standing around looking at a baby while his mother tries to cover him up and the step father collects the gifts all in a horse stall with hay everywhere and farm animals milling about, probably lamb shit all over the place. Creepy.

The second display that makes me want to get out of the car, knock on the door and ask the douche bag who put it up to take it down is the strand of white lights up a pole with a half-ass star on top. Too religious, not fun, not Christmasy, all it lacks is an inflatable Pope in front of it.

Finally, what is the deal with LED lights? They are so frigging bright that it hurst my eyes and who the hell pays $11 for a strand of 100 lights, when I can get a strand of 100 regular lights for $3? In the words of Charlie Brown, Good Grief! Give that extra Christmas light money to the bell ringer Griswold!

With all due respect,
The Chief

100% Compatibility - Microsofts' Ransom Note

I hate Microsoft. Lets just get that out of the way.
Actually thats not accurate, I hate Windows. I actually really like Office, but Windows regardless of the version is complete shit.

Shut up, yes it is. You know it as well as I do. How many times in the last month have you had to restart your PC because it just locked up? How about in the last week? How many times have you had to get out the restore disc to get that Piece-of-Chit working again?

Ok how many times have you not been able to print to a printer that you just used? How many updates and security patches have you installed? How about the number of times you've tried to shut down or restart for whatever reason and watched the "Windows Is Shutting Down" message on the screen for an hour?

Probably more times than I have, I guarantee it in all cases.

Now that I've laid that out, lets look at Windows 7, otherwise known as Windows Vista - Pig in Makeup Edition. 100% backward compatibility. Remember the commercials? Or the ads? I do. I remember a faint tinge of fear that they might actually get it right this time forcing me to stop bashing their shitty OS. But no, the one thing Microsoft never lets me down with is their ability to NOT DELIVER.

Windows 7 was supposed to be 100% compatible with XP programs and all hardware that was "current". Really, they actually stuck out their skinny geek necks and promised 100% compatibility. But what they didn't tell you 100% backward compatibility is not available to everyone.

In fact some XP and Vista users, will not have access to XP compatibility at all unless they fork up the $199 to upgrade to Ultimate.

You see, in the Microsoft viewpoint there are no poor students or families just able to afford their computers or any customer respect. No just greed.

To get XP compatibility you have to run your XP programs in a "virtualized environment". Essentially Windows creates a second computer running XP inside your Windowns 7 computer. You can imagine that this is probably not going to give you the speed, graphic performance or stability that running the program in regular XP would, and you'd be imagining right.

The funny thing is that I run Windows apps on my Mac all day long doing the exact same thing, the difference being it doesn't crash my Mac or make it run slow and the rest of my computing experience is stable and smooth and doesn't require weekly security patches.

My most recent personal experience with this was with a new netbook computer running Windows 7. I bought it for work purposes and installed the one and only PC app that it had to run, which was written for XP. Guess what? The little netbook only comes with a crippled version of 7 called Starter and Starter doesn't include XP mode or even support it. My options were two, buy the $199 upgrade making my $400 netbook a $600 one or send the fucking thing back.

Give you one guess as to the option I chose.

What I don't understand though is why some many people are willing to put up with this crappy company, their crappy products and their complete lack of customer appreciation. I guess the world really is full of idiots.

Like you didn't see that coming.

With all due respect,
The Chief

Black Friday - Further Proof that People are Idiots

Sure. With this economy we need any push we can get.

Buy stuff. Buy stuff. Buy stuff!!!

Who doesn't like a good deal? I know I do. These days money is tight and many of us are questioning whether we really need that latte this morning or should I buy the store brand gallon of milk to save 60 cents.

BUT WHO ARE THESE RETARDS who are getting to the stores at midnight so that they can save $50 on a $800 flatscreen or be guaranteed that you get the hot Elmo-Jerks-Himself-Off for your two year-old who'd be happy playing with an empty box?

Come on. I had a couple friends call me to let me know of their Black Friday Adventures. How they got there, found what they needed in the first twenty minutes then spent 2-3 hours in the checkout line. I'm certain there are worse places to be, but for me, I would have to compare it to something out of Dante's Inferno.

Now for those of you who partake in Cyber Monday: Right On.

In fact, do it while you're at work. Stick it to the man! Make money while you save money.

Just don't tell us about how awesome it was.

No one cares.

-Darth

Real Review - The LG FX-1 Multimedia HDD

I recently decided to purchase a multimedia control unit for my wife to use. While I was fine hooking up my Mac to the LCD TV and plugging in my terabyte HD to that to watch movies, it was not the most user friendly experience.
I did my homework. I got to see some of my buddies media centers in action. I priced units and decided on two models that would probably work for us. We went to Worst Buy and started looking. Immediately, we were approached by someone that could possibly be of service. After some discussion with the "expert",  he convinced me to purchase the LG FX-1 Multimedia HDD. This sounded great! It was supposedly capable of reading virtually all needed files, including the ever-so important subtitle files, SRT's, etc. The bonus being that unlike its competitors, it has a 500 gig HD built in! This is important because it was the same price as the non-HD units I was considering. It also said "Mac compatible".
Eagerly we drive home to set up our new gadget. I unpack the unit, making sure all is there. The first sign something may be amiss was seeing one of those mini-cd/rom's in the box and no hardcopy owners manual. 
The paperwork that did come with it told me I could go straight to LG's site for further assistance. I decided to fire it up plugged into the Mac. As I suspected, the HD was formatted NTFS. 
No worries, the Mac has a nifty little program called Disk Utility in which I can format any drive into just about any conceivable format. This includes FAT-ass 32 and NTFS (NoTFuckingSafe).
I format the mounted volume to Mac OS Extended(Journaled), and drug some files over to test. Things go down hill from here.


Attaching the FX-1 to the TV, I turn the unit on and then the television. The FX-1 immediately informs me it is formatting itself... I start to frown a bit. It finishes. I check for my files. Gone! The FX-1 gets unplugged. I plug it back into my Mac. Disk Utility reports as I had feared, NTFS format! I repeat the steps. To no avail...
To those of you that know Mac's, they are very forgiving. They can read FAT and NTFS files like a champ! The same is not true of FAT and NTFS! Hence my need to make this FX-1's HD Mac OS compatible. NO DAMN DICE!!


Here's where the teeth gnashing and hair pulling session come in. I'm not about to stick that miniature cd of death into my laptop, so I go to LG's website, per the instructions given in what little paperwork I had. 
UHHHHH.... LG's website has never heard of this product. I even tried typing in it's fucking serial number, to no avail. I tried LG's over-sea's sites. NADA!
At this point I'm relegated to looking for a pdf of the owners manual. Nothing on RapidShare or like sites. Nothing on Bitorrent. Nothing on sites that reviewed the damn thing!! ZERO!
I calmly wrapped the piece of stinking, poorly engineered, shit up and returned it the next day!
 I considered loosing my cool to a manager at Worst Buy, telling him/her about my wasted gas, wasted time, and the employee that recommended this contraption, knowing full well I asked about its Mac compatibility. I did not this time, for fear my anger may get the best of me.
I haven't given a rating for anything yet on this site, so I have no guideline. So how about this... I'll call them ANGRY YELLS. The order being 1 Angry Yell being the best and 10 being the worst. This steaming hunk of wasted time gets 7 ANGRY YELLS.

LG has FAILED!!!


DO NOT BUY!!
P.S.   Just today while writing this I found the damn thing on LG's site dedicated to it's junk. Try sitting through the "flash fest" that is it's site and tell me if you still have the nerve...
On another note--- I got the Western Digital TV Live. Works like a damn champ!!




ANGRY BRADY

Ever Notice - People in Waco are Really Creative

Waco, Texas.

Home of David Koresh and his Branch Davidians and Trista Joy Lathern.

Trista faked having breast cancer and told people that she was on chemotherapy.

She went as far a shaving her head and putting out fliers all over Waco for a fundraiser in her honor to help pay for her bullshit-treatments because "her health insurance had run out".

Hundreds of apparent suckers showed up at the event that hosted four bands a raffle and a bake sale. Upwards of $10,000 was raised for Trista's titty fund.

Titty Fund? Yes!

Trista used the money to get breast implants.

I have to admit this is the most creative way I've ever heard of someone raising for my implants.

It almost worked too, except as creative as Trista was, she's not real bright. She went to a plastic surgeon in Waco that HAD SEEN THE FLIERS FOR THE FUNDRAISER.

Needless to say the doc was suspicous and called the cops when Trista brought over 3 grand in cash for the down payment on the surgery.

The best part is that her husband was fouled as well. He maintains that he did not know that she didn't have cancer until the police came to question her.

Trista was arrested on November 4th for theft by deception and was released on bond two days later. The same day in fact that her husband filed for an annulment of their 7 month marriage. He also requested custody of their two son's ages 3 and 5.

Ages 3 and 5? 7 month marriage? Well its Texas after all. At least she's not 14.

Trista was re-arrested on the 9th because the Waco PD found a warrant for her on check fraud charges from 2007. Obviously the Waco PD is really on the ball. Aren't they the ones that freaked out on the Davidians and called in the AFT?

With all due respect,
The Chief

The State of Bigotry in America 2009

Sure. We have a black President and we've come a long way from the 50s and 60s. Racism has calmed down. It's definitely still there but not to the point where it's a national concern. Bigotry, however, is alive and well. I would say thriving.

Before you ask, there is a difference between Racism and Bigotry. As much as you'd like to say you're not a bigot I want to ask you a few questions. Has any of the similar to the following ever happened to you?

• Have you ever been stuck in line at a store behind a Middle Eastern guy and his wife? Was he stern and difficult with the checkout lady, questioning every other item's price when it rang up, all the while his wife stood there obediently? Was he purchasing 20 2-liter bottles of Pepsi and 10 cases of Mountain Dew? Can you make bombs with this shit?

• How about being in a different neighborhood buying beer on Sunday, taking a break from football, with your buddy and in front of you in the checkout lane you spot MC Hammer. He's wearing sunglasses inside and about 10 different chains with a brand new fancy shirt and sneakers. You laugh as your buddy points out that he's paying with WIK vouchers. Whaa?

• How about traveling out to Jefferson County and getting gas and having to lock the car when you're out of it because everyone seems to be smoking meth?

• How surprised were you when you heard about the Fort Hood shootings only to find out that the shooter was named Nidal Malik Hasan? And, get this, a Muslim. Shocker!

• Don't you love waiting at a stop light and you avoid eye contact with the loser who's panhandling a couple cars ahead? Don't you think to yourself how hard you just worked to earn the money in your pocket?

• Are you aggravated every time you use an ATM and have to choose English or Spanish? And you live in the Midwest?

Is it me or do we have a long way to go?

I'm sure it's me.

-Darth

Angry’s Favorite Director (or how NOT to get ahead in advertising)

While chewing the fat last weekend with Darth at The Chief’s shin-dig; We got to talking about movies. I happened to mention some of my favorites, including my all time favorite director David Lynch. Darth made the suggestion I review either some movies or the like, which is rather out of character for me.I know, I know...I think he’s right on this one.
For those of you not familiar with Lynch, he wrote and/or directed such greats as: Eraser Head, Blue Velvet, Wild at Heart, Lost Highway, Mulholland Drive,the most non-Lynch-like The Straight Story, Twin Peaks, the list goes on.
In addition to these he is a jazz musician, sculptor, painter,and all around strangely sanguine, even nerdy sorta guy born into a family in Missoula, MT. unsettlingly familiar to some of the “Leave it to Beaver” type families, ‘with a twist’, Lynch has in his cinema.
One needs to understand the impression he had on me at a very young age to be able to fully appreciate why his movies are burned into my psyche’. I was probably 12-13 when my Pop brought home this video called Eraser Head. He probably said something like, “Come on boys! I’ve got the new Rambo flick! Only better!” My dad was that way, always fucking with our young brains. Don’t get me wrong. My dad was a great guy, brilliant too, I think even Darth and The Chief would concur on that one. Anyway, there I was swept into an entirely, not just new and strange, but absofuckinglutely twisted and enlightening new universe!! Lynch busted this boys Amygdla and Thalamus wide open! Ain’t been quite the same since.
Eraser Head is too fucked to try and explain here. WATCH IT!!
Blue Velvet was the next movie I watched. This is probably still my favorite Lynch film. A Brief synopsis: College boy visits quite home town. Boy finds ear. Boy gets involved in the dark and dangerous underbelly of said town. Boy gets to meet Frank Booth, a twisted cat that likes to huff Oxygen( yes, Oxygen,Lynch interview said so) then get really schitzo and run amok! “Don’t you fucking look at me! Daddy wants to fuck! I’ll fuck anything that moves!!” Dean Stockwell (Quantum Leap fame) plays a freak called  Benny... You Gots to Check it Out!! Good times will be had bay all!! Especially that first date. wink-nod.
Wild at Heart is another great piece of cinematic glory. It stars Laura Dern and Nicholas Cage,(yeah before he started smokin’ that big time Hollywood producer Pole! Shithead!) This is, I do believe, the first movie I took my wife,at that time still girlfriend to. A rockin’ good time was had by all!! It’s basically a re-telling of The Wizard of Oz. Except only as Lynch could do it. Lots of cameos. Lots of good music. Lots of 1/2 dimension away from ours weirdness! Check It! Mulholland Drive: This is one of Lynchs’ newer films. It stars Naomi Watts(who plays two roles I later gleaned), and Laura Herring. Those two have probably one of the hottest sex scenes I’ve seen!! Fuck-O! Oh, and a briefly encountered Billy Ray Cyrus! Mullet and all. Basically, a starlet is riding in a limo. Her drivers try to kill her. Instead they get into an accident and she stumbles down the Hollywood hills with amnesia. She gets befriended by a wanna-be ‘starlet’. Things go Twilight Zone shortly after that. The scene in the diner, where these two, totally unrelated to the story, guys are talking, one  is telling about a recurring dream he has, that has to do with the diner that they are in presently. A walk ensues, to behind the building. The story teller is reliving his dream. He gets to a corner where the garbage bins are, and is completely horrified by what starts to peer around the corner back at him.....FUCKING CREEPY!!! I shit you not!
The movie on it surface, seems one of Lynchs’ more approachable, by the casual viewers of the usual tripe that passes for cinema. It has me firing all 8 gerbil wheels at once, more times than not trying to come up with another theory 'bout what's actually going on.
To put things a little more cut and dry... Lynch is like taking your brain to a swinger party only to find out, all in attendance either have no genitalia,or the ones that do, remind you of your first pet you loved so much, that died; Only to be brought back from the dead with messages of good will from the god Quetzalcoatl, provided you make a small sacrifice..
Long Live Lynch!!!  I hope you give his work a try. Besides, haven't you seen Monsters Inc.35  or  SAW 700 enough???

AnGRy BraDy

Five Great Places to Eat within 5 Minutes of the Lone Wolf Coffee Company

Being a West St. Louis County resident presents a dining dilemma; where to eat/drink/hang that isn't a chain restaurant. In the Ellisville/Ballwin/Wildwood area there are many places to eat, but really only a few that offer a quality, varied menu and good service in a atmosphere that makes you feel like your eating a place that loves your community. We've lived in the Wildwood area for 17 years, and have impatiently waited for the menus to grow with the population. There have been some great places come and stay, and a few that stayed too long and we've tried them all.

As you may have read, a couple of our readers think that I am unsatisfiable. I am critical, picky, a bit harsh and sometimes downright nasty, but I want something other than Sysco re-heats and Sam's Club products for my dollar. 

To remove any concern that I "hate everything" I offer this "cluster-review"of my favorite places to dine, with your family, within five minutes of my least favorite place.

5)  Peppers Deli and BBQ - near Summer Winds Nursery, close to the corner of Clarkson and Manchester
     36 Clarkson Rd
     Ellisville, MO

After 11 years of serving some of the best smoked and barbecued meats in the area, Pepper has our vote. The location may not be glamorous, but the food kicks ass. My wife is the real Peppers fan. We get a big tray full of their smoked chicken quesadillas for our annual Halloween Party, about 50 and they are usually gone within first 10 minutes. Almost every year we have people ask us where they come from and we never hesitate to tell them.

We love to stop in for a quick and simple dinner during the week and typically split the Southwest BBQ Wrap with pulled pork. Its huge and filling and delicious. They have a big menu with everything from their 11 different wraps to 10 salads and gourmet dogs and sandwiches. Best of all though is they have like 11 different meats that are rubbed and smoked to perfection. Anything from angus brisket to buffalo burger to half chickens and most if not all of it is ready to take home in the coolers or can be order for pick up.

Like all the places in this review, the service here is as good as the food. Its a small place and there are usually just a couple of people working, but they knock out the orders in minutes and have the time to chit-chat with you while they do it. They even have a little patio area to the side, which is where we usually enjoy our wrap when the weather is decent.

Best of all, this year the owner called my wife to make sure that the quesadillas met her expectations and to thank her for her business over the last few years. He didn't have to call, we would have ordered next year anyway, but its nice to know that he noticed.


4)   Senor Pique - in front of Marshals and Homegoods
      14870 Manchester Rd
      Ballwin, MO 63011-4620

I am a mexiphile. Love the country, love the food, y la gente.  My whole family does. There are lots of mexican joints in the far West County area, but for my peso this place is the best. They don't sell you ground beef tacos and bland chicken fajitas that taste like your Aunt Edna made them with a Lowrys Seasoning packet. Their flavors are strongly authentic and their offerings are well beyond the standard Tex/Mex style of many of their competitors. They offer plates you just don't find anywhere else that I've been; like Tacos de Chicharon Verde - small "open face" tacos of porkloin cooked in jalapenos, or Tacos de Cameron - spicy grilled tiger shrimp tacos with chipotle cream and avocado or my personal favorite Chile Morita con Puerco - porkloin simmered in the house chile morita sauce that will burn your frigging eyes out but god its good.

As good as the food is, the service is better. The wait staff are all super friendly, super attentive and all seem to be having a good time. I've never had the opportunity to meet the owner/manager, but I've seen him in action. He always seems to be smiling and having a good time as well. Speaking of good times, they love to party at Senor Pique because they throw huge outdoor parties throughout the spring and summer starting with Cinco de Mayo.

And BTW they were voted the Best Mexican in St. Louis in the RFT for 2007. Great place.


3)  Sarah's Cafe and Bakery - by Elegant Child and Zick's Nursery
     505 Strecker Road 
     Wildwood, MO

I love breakfast. I love cupcakes. My wife does too.
We love Sarah's

I think we have been here almost every Saturday morning since sometime in March, with the exception of the past few months due to early morning 6th grade football games. I've had every scramble, the wheat germ pancakes, the waffles and the Southwest burrito. All crazy good. 

They serve espresso drinks as well a good cup of coffee and they keep your cup filled which I love.

The bakery stuff is ridiculous, -ly good. There are a lot of cupcake places in St. Louis all hoping to cash in on the Sprinkles craze and to be honest they all pale in comparison to Sarah's. These cupcakes are the right size, they have just enough frosting and the cake is high quality, not too sweet, moist, yum. The other bakery items are excellent as well like the cake truffles, the cookies and the bars. My wife is partial to the apricot bar which when they don't have it she almost cries.

They also do lunch but not dinner and the lunch menu is very good as well. I've only been there once for lunch and I had the Provencial Salad. The flavor and ingredient quality surpassed its $7.99 price tag.

Again, the service here is also excellent. You never wait for anything, your coffee cup is always full, your water glass is always full, your food is always hot and your order is always right. 


2)  Mulligans Grill - next to Gaffneys Sports, behind Pizza Hut
     11 Clarkson Road
     Ellisville, MO

21 beers from across the world, killer martinis, hot wings that call your name and burgers that could be served to royalty. Not your usual sports bar. I hate to even call it a sports bar because to me they're not places I usually want to go, but Mulligans is different, yet still a sports bar with TVs at every angle with every game on and the requisite Golden Tee.

They have honestly the best wings around. So good in fact, we have friends that come back to St. Louis three times a year after having moved to Wichita and always stop at Mulligans for wings, and take some home. I can't even imagine the way their car smells when they get home. Actually I doubt they make it home without eating the wings anyway.

My personal favorite is the Divot (all of the food items have golf related names) which is a huge albacore tuna fillet grilled with sautéed mushrooms and provel cheese on a kaiser roll. Its something that I can only go about two weeks without having to have it again. My wife craves the PGA wrap with their buffalo chicken strips, cheddar cheese, lettuce, tomato and green onions. When she doesn't do the PGA she does the house salad with their homemade ranch. Simple and delicious.

One of our family's most requested items from Mulligans though is their waffle fries, which really are the best I've ever had.

All of this great food, served in a quaint Pub atmosphere that's super family friendly and served by people that say things like "great to see you guys again" and "welcome back we missed you" make Mulligans a place that my family will always return to.


1) Faraci's Pizza - right in front of Shop and Save in Ellisville
    15430 Manchester Road
    Ellisville, MO

The Faracis; Joe, Dorothy, Vince and Pete are like family to us. We have been regular customers since 1994, eating there every Friday night as a family or with friends and sometimes Saturday too. We bring everyone we know here, especially people that have never had St. Louis style pizza.

Now, if you don't like St. Louis-style pizza they have great pastas a killer house salad, great sandwiches and heck they even have a burger that my picky-ass son loves. But seriously what's wrong with you? St. Louis-style pizza is like heaven and makes Chicago-style look like the overweight, greasy mess it is. Thin crisp crust, provel cheese, square slices, ahh St. Louis style pizza is the best.

The thing though about Faracis Pizza that brings us back is the people, the owners and the staff. They are just really good, friendly, caring people. They love what they do and it shows. The Faraci elders, Joe and Dorothy are there to greet you at the door, ask how your kids are, how's business, how's life, et cetera. While the boys, Vince and Pete, yell "hey guys" from the window between the counter and the kitchen. The wait staff, Rene and Michelle have worked there forever and bring you your usual beverage without having to ask. Its that kind of place. Their back up crew, Tim and Anthony, are right there with whatever you need and are always hustling. And everybody is having fun. Lots of laughs, lots of smiles even when they place is completely full and has a line out the door.

There are other places in the five minute zone that are good too, but these are our favorites. If your favorite is not here, sorry, but feel free to say so. 


With all due respect,
The Chief